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[cutter@ghoti.LCS.MIT.EDU (Joe Turner)]

Newsgroups: rec.music.gaffa
Subject: How long do you think we can stick it out?
Summary: How long do you think until it's out, WOMAN!!!!!
Expires: 
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Reply-To: cutter@ghoti.UUCP (Joe Turner)
Followup-To: Hounds of Love
Distribution: world
Organization: Novercia, Ltd
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Miss Kate Bush sits somewhere in the sensual world tonight, most likely on
holiday, most definately not trying to think about the album that
she's just foisted on an unsuspecting world.  There are those of us
who, as the minutes pass, can't stop pondering what it's going to do
to the UK, Eire, the US, Pago-Pago, and every other stretch of land
with a record shop.

While not as cohesive as "Hounds of Love", "The Sensual World" drips
its sticky goo of tension & release all over us, impossible to remove.
Her voice reaches up into the high registers while fluid bass slithers
inbetween your legs like a tiny fish in the shallow part of the beach.

Larry Speaking:

	2 Listens and an amazingly huge number of continuous multiple
	orgasms later, This Woman's Work is as fabulous as any and
	all of the others to date - in a word, STAGGERING.

	My particular favourites are "Heads We're Dancing", "Walk
	Straight Down the Middle", "The Sensual World", and all
	the other tracks as well...God, she's *AMAZING*!!!  I
	mean, WOW!!!  INCREDIBLE!!!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!

	But you probably don't want to hear me just jizz about the
	album.  You're probably much more interested in how we came
	to be capable of jizzing over the album - and besides, it's
	a more amusing story.  So here it is...

	Joe (just waking up):  blblththp.  I need to call Newbury's
		to see if they have the single yet.

	Larry:  Why bother?  My copy's going to get here from the UK
		in a couple of days.

	(Larry is suddenly bit by the realization of the inanity he
	 has just sputtered, and dials "IN-FOR-MA-TION (due to a labor
	 dispute...)".  He gets the number and calls.  Besides,
	 if the truth be told Larry called Tower the night before
	 and they hadn't heard about it.).

	Larry:  Hello.  Do you have the new Kate Bush single, "The
		Sensual World"?

	Newbury:  No.

	Larry:  Any news on when?

	Newbury:  No.  All we have is this promo cassette of the
		album.

	Larry:  Pfttbppbbhblblblttpbbh!!!bbkbpbggkb!!!pppp P-_P-
		(slaps himself) PromoCassette!!?!?!?!

	Newbury:  Yeah.

	Larry:  Well, what's it look like?  (Yeah, this is a stupid
		question since Larry had already read what would be
		most likely much better descriptions, but, hey, he
		was still reeling from the fact that not five miles
		away from him was the Songbird of Happiness).

	Newbury:  It's just her face with a flower in front of it.
		She looks kinda psychotic, actually.

	Larry:  That's not at all unusual for Kate Bush.

	Newbury:  Yeah.

	Larry:  Can I buy it?

	Newbury:  It's not for sale.

	Larry:  Are you going to play it in the store anytime soon?

	Newbury:  Not till October 17 when the album comes out.

	(Larry is now seriously bumming, but looking for any kind of
	 an out at this point).

	Larry:  Can we come look at it at least?

	Newbury:  Yeah, sure.

	Larry:  See you shortly!

	Newbury:  Yeah.  Bye.

	Larry:  Bye!

	(Much screaming, hooting, frantic showering, planning, playing
	 of "Running up that Hill", "Hounds of Love", and "The Big
	 Sky", first the seven-inch versions, and then the twelve-inch
	 versions - Joe took a long time in the shower.).

	Larry:  Joe!  Hurry up!  Armageddon could happen at any moment
		and we could MISS IT!!!!

	Joe:  Calm down!  (Pause).  What am I saying?

	(Larry and Joe get in the car and break a great many laws to
	 get to Newbury's in Harvard Square.  They pay three dollars
	 for parking, since it would be a bummer to get towed and not
	 be able to listen to the new album.  

	 Listen to the new album, I say?  Yes.  We were determined
	 to do so one way or another.  We had come prepared.  We
	 brought a ghetto blaster and cassette to transcribe it if
	 we could get away with it, a camera and several lenses to
	 photograph the cover, and enough money to bribe the "Just
	 Say No" Foundation into letting us start a marijuana ranch
	 on the front lawn of the White House.

	 Larry and Joe park and enter Newbury's in Harvard Square.
	 There is a huge line, and we wait patiently until it is 
	 all gone).

	Joe:  I am starting to feel silly.

	Larry (quoting Maude):  It's every person's right to make
		an ass out of himself.  Don't let the world judge
		you too harshly.

	Joe:  OK.  But you do the talking.

	Larry:  As soon as I stop hyperventilating, OK.

	(The Counter Person offers to help us.).

	Counter Person:  Can I help you?

	Larry (subtle and scheming and looking for an unobtrusive
		place to set down the camera equipment so he can
		use his towel again):  We called and were told you
		had a promo copy of the new Kate Bush album,
		_The Sensual World_, and that we could see it if
		we came down, so here we are.

	Counter Person:  Oh.  (There is much conferring behind the
		counter and to a couple of other people, but no
		one seems to know anything about it, much less claimed
		to have answered the phone so authoritatively).

	Counter Person:  Are you sure this was the store you called?

	Larry:  Yes.  I asked for the one in Harvard Square.

	Counter Person:  What number did you call?  Did it begin with
		491?

	Larry:  No, it was 225-9700.  Do you have a store with that
		number?

	Counter Person:  Yeah, at the MIT Student Center.

	Larry:  Ohmigod!!!  We have to go!!!

	Counter Person:  Bye.

	(Larry and Joe go tearing out to the car, breaking more laws,
	 speed records, and generally wreaking havoc throughout
	 Cambridge until they arrive at MIT and park illegally.  By
	 now only one thing matters - wrapping fingers, arms, ears,
	 legs, and any other body part available AROUND THAT TAPE!!!).

	(Larry and Joe come tearing in and calm down long enough to
	 talk to the people at this store).
	
	(The Counter Person offers to help us.).

	Counter Person:  Can I help you?

	Larry (subtle and scheming and looking for an unobtrusive
		place to set down the camera equipment so he can
		use his towel again):  We called and were told you
		had a promo copy of the new Kate Bush album,
		_The Sensual World_, and that we could see it if
		we came down, so here we are.

	Counter Person:  Oh.  I don't know.  Hey, Spike!  Do you 
		know anything about a new Kate Bush album?  
		_The Sen ...

	Larry:  _The Sensual World_.

	Counter Person:  _The Sensual World_.

	Larry:  And we wanted to see it (he says holding the camera
		equipment, flanked by Joe with the ghetto blaster
		and blank cassette, toweling himself).

	Spike:  OK.

	(Spike searches for it and unceremoniosly presents it, *STILL
	 IN THE CELLOPHANE*!!!! complete with the "For Promotional Use
	 on October 17" label on it.  Larry takes it in his hand.
	 This is too much.  His head is reeling.  He sets it on the
	 counter, four years of need answered in a heartbeat.  He
	 can't leave without it.).

	Larry:  How much?

	Spike:  It's not for sale.

	Joe:  We'll give you fifty.

	Spike:  Fifty bucks?

	Larry and Joe:  Yes.

	(Spike realizes that A) they are dead serious.  B)  A Kate Bush
	 fan and his money are soon parted.  C)  He would be a chump
	 if he and the other guy didn't each pocket $25 and make up
	 some lame story about not having any idea where it went.
	 D)  These two are crazy fuckers and will probably become
	 totally psychotic, take him, the store, half the inventory,
	 and most of the building out to get the cassette.).

	Spike:  You give me fifty bucks and it's yours.

	Larry:  OK.  Here's fourty-seven.  (You will recall that Larry
		spent three dollars on parking).  Joe!  Give me
		three bux.

	(Joe, without a moment's hesitation, produces the requisite
	 cash.).

	Larry:  Can we have it?  Can we really have it?

	Spike:  You just paid fifty bucks for it.

	(Larry grabs the cassette and he and Joe go running out of the
	 store, war-whooping and shoving it in the faces of passers-by
	 trying to express the elation of the moment, just what it
	 means to them.  Words fail, but hysteria helps paint a
	 touching if somewhat understated picture.

	 Larry and Joe get in the car after a brief panic that they
	 might have paid $50 for a promo copy *OF THE SINGLE* but
	 Larry points out that A) It had that sticker on it saying
	 October 17 - the Album Release Date, and B) Now that he
	 had it open, there was a complete track listing ---
	 INCLUDING THE BONUS TRACK!!!!!!!!!!!.

	 Larry and Joe get in the car, hands trembling, and put the
	 cassette in the player.  The familiar chimes that Larry has
	 heard countless times over the past week that he's been
	 listening to the single over the phone (Joe used three-way
	 calling to create a VoiceMail copy for him which he has
	 played nearly constantly, and of course there's the tape that Larry 
	 made with his answering machine with the beeps every
	 fifteen seconds, Larry and Joe jizzing in the background,
	 and the constant warble of worn belts that he listens to
	 now and then in the car) sounded much better, as expected.

	 But then IT HAPPENED!!!!  She came in with the Fairlight
	 and the Drums and EVERYTHING!!!  It was breathtaking!  It
	 was magnificent!  It was ***HUGE***!  It was at this point
	 (after wiping the jizz off the ceiling) that Larry and
	 Joe realized that FIFTY BUCKS IS DAMNED CHEAP IF YOU'VE
	 BEEN CRAVING KATE BUSH!!!

	Joe:  Larry!  Stop screaming!  I can't hear her!

	Larry:  Sorry.

	Joe:  Larry!  Stop screaming!  I can't hear her!

	Larry:  Sorry.

	Joe:  Larry!  Stop screaming!  I can't hear her!

	Larry:  Sorry.

	Joe:  Larry!  Stop screaming!  I can't hear her!

	Larry:  Sorry.

	(After the title track we had to rest.  Then we listened to
	 the remainder of the first side, letting it wash over us,
	 drag us along, wrap us in itself, make us quiver with
	 delight, knowing there was absolutely NOTHING it could
 	 possibly do that would disappoint us.

	 We paused for the requisite refractory period again after
	 the completion of the first side, rescued Joe's stereo
	 from his parents' house, tried to explain but again words
	 failed.  Of course, by this time we were drained from the
	 incredibly emotional experience of hearing the first side,
	 and even our hysteria was muted by that pause that comes
	 in the middle of exquisitely slow and delicate love-making
	 such as this.

	 We then listened to the second side on the ride home.  If
	 it was possible it was even more breathtaking than the
	 first.

	 As "This Woman's Work" began, we sat back, fulfilled, glad
	 after visiting a host of new realms to come back home to
	 something warm and soothing.  Familiar.  It was a perfect track to 
	 close an album to.

	 EXCEPT - Then came "Walk Straight Down the Middle".  YOW!
	 AWESOME!  CCCCRRAAZZZYY!!!  

	 Then the moment.  Stunned silence.  We'd probably just heard
	 almost all (if not all) the material she'll dole out to us
	 for ANOTHER FIVE YEARS (follow the progression between
	 albums).

	 But it was OKAY.  This album definitely needs hundreds more
	 listens, and maybe in five years I can come to appreciate all
	 of its delicate and subtle shades of nuance and meaning (and
	 maybe in five years I'll have figured out all the lyrics).

	Larry:  I think I came in my pants.  Again.

    Well, that's the story of how we came to get a copy.  We're on the
    *THIRD* listen, making a tape copy for Joe.  It just keeps getting
    better.  

    Honest!  We've tried to reach you all!  But no one is home!  We 
    wanted to have a party, turn out all the lights, and let it wash
    over the collective lot of us!  But NOBODY IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, well, time to turn out the lights and enjoy Side II all over
    again.

    "This is Larry and Joe signing off from Sensual World
     Headquarters, USA."

					larry...

				and

					/joe
	 
	
		
	 
	 

	
	
	
	



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Joe Turner	   turnerj@gw2.hanscom.af.mil	       cutter@ghoti.lcs.mit.edu
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   "This must be paradise, cause we can't be in heaven yet." --- Anna Domino
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