KateFans

[Wieland Willker <willker@chemie.uni-bremen.de>]

Remember yourself (Gurdjieff)
KateFan-Types (from Neil Calton/Ron Hill, Jan. 1992)

BEGINNER 

- thinks Pat Benetar wrote Wuthering Heights 
- insecure with the concept of a Kate Newsgroup 
- has yet to learn the names of the albums 
- hasn't figured out yet how to get anything not sold in Tower 

NOVICE 

- knows that Kate Bush has had some hit singles and albums 
- uses the KT abbreviation, but calls it 'knight' 
- has heard of the KBC but never joined it 
- has had his first bad experience with 'rec.music.gaffa' 
- is wondering if there are any Kate recordings he doesn't have 
- is wondering why the person next to him seems to like Kate so much 
- thinks that 'gaffa' is a brand of oranges 

FAN 

- posts to 'rec.music.gaffa', but inexpertly 
- has heard of 'the demo-tapes' but never seen them 
- goes to record fairs to search for rare items 
- has figured out what all the HOL type abbreviations mean 
- is wondering how to get a subscription to Homeground 
- has attempted to write to Kate and decided to stick with News 
- thinks that 'gaffa' can only refer to "gaffa's tape" 

KNOWLEDGEABLE FAN 

- uses 'rec.music.gaffa' without trouble, and is beginning to answer
  questions  
- is wondering how to get hold of some bootlegs  
- thinks that 'IED' is an AI program  
- has figured out who 'Ken' and 'The G.L.C.' are  
- has learned that reading interviews doesn't help know the "real" Kate  
- types in short reviews from magazines  
- has formulated an opinion on the meaning of 'gaffa' but doesn't like to
  say  
- thinks that 'rec.music.misc' is for wimps 

EXPERT 

- knows the titles of every song Kate has written 
- posts news about Kate at every possible opportunity 
- transcribes multi-page interviews 
- has figured out what the secret messages in Kate's songs are 
- once wrote a poem about Kate 
- thinks that human history started with 'The Kick Inside' 
- posts his theory of the meaning of 'gaffa' every other month 
- discusses Kate's dancing technique without embarrassment 

FANATIC 

- talks about backward-masking with comfort 
- quotes undocumented facts about Kate's life 
- compiles his own collection of Kate facts and interviews 
- buys only UK pressings because he doesn't trust the others 
- can answer questions about Kate's studio equipment 
- writes his own interpretations of Kate's songs to supplement standard ones 
- writes pieces for Homeground 

GURU 

- argues with IED and |>oug with comfort 
- writes long treatises on the literary references in Kate's songs 
- customizes printed interviews by inserting comments 
  on the intervier's ignorance 
- reads "The Garden" and "Cloudbusting" with his breakfast 
- can answer any Kate question after a little thought 
- has learned how to contact Kate's close friends and relatives 

WIZARD 

- quotes from any Kate interview you mention 
- can answer any question on Kate before you ask 
- writes his own biography of Kate 
- is on a first-name basis with Del, Paddy and Kate 

(Ron Hill added these:)

DEMO-GOD 

- Knows more about Kate then Del does. 
- Has figured out remaining unknown secret messages, but won't say 
- Knows what Donald Sutherland wrote on the paper in Cloudbusting 
- Is already in line for the next tour. 
- Thinks IED is a "Kate wimp" 
- Writes long articles that only other DEMO-GODs can comprehend. 
- Won't read Cloudbusting because he's already read EVERY interview. 
- Is upset cause he's never quite made KATE-GOD 
- Thinks GAFFA is slow in getting news out, compared to his sources. 
- Can't control his temper when some says "THE Hounds Of Love" 
Wieland adds:
- can identify Kate on "Sing, Children Sing" using online-FFT. 

KATE-GOD 

- Knows more about Kate then Kate does. 

KATE 

- Is Kate herself. 
- Can point out lies in Cloudbusting book 
- Knows what Gaffa REALLY meant. 

KATE'S MUM AND DAD 

- Created Kate. 
- Knows the words to the early songs that Kate has forgot. 

--------
PS: For those who remember: Stev0's simple forerunner of the above joke was
Jorn Barger's "point of no return"! Very funny! 

Best wishes
    Wieland
"Hey, hey jouhoooooo..." 

BTW, what about a 'Seer-dance'? Remember Ron-Cloudbusting-Hills Big Sky
dance event? At one special hour KateFans all over the world will start
dancing like idiots...