Celluloid Heroes

[steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)]

Here's my view of The Line, The Cross, & The Curve:

I got to Berkeley a little past 7:00, and the only ones there were:
Chad, who for the last couple of days we have been sending an increasingly
frantic Emails back and forth. ("Tickets go on sale at 2:30".  "Great!  Can
you pick me up one?"  "No, wait, they go on sale at 8:30."  "I'll be in
Berkeley by then!"  "No, wait, they go on sale a half hour AFTER the film
starts!"  "Auuugh!")
Karen, who brought this all to our attention in the first place and will
be holding another Katemas this year
and Larry, who already told you his adventures.

Larry, Karen, & I went across the street for a nutrious, healthy meal of
meat-laden pizza and beer (the pizza was meat-laden, not the beer).  Chad
bravely stood in line (although a queue of one person hardly classifies as
"a line") for us.  Actually, he should get a medal for KateFanDom above and
beyond the call of duty for waiting there since 4:00, and then get locked
in a room where they keep John Hinckley and that woman who always breaks
into David Letterman's house.

By 8:00 a respectable line actually did form, and we were greeted by Bill,
our humble pseudo-moderator.  A handful of fellow lovehounds introduced 
themselves, and I forgot all of your names so I'm sorry...

**WARNING** PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD
(Although that's carrying it to extremes, for that implies there was
an actual plot)

Well, the film started.  First, a video for "Rubberband Girl" which was
actually kinda, well, dull.  Singer/band/singer/band.  Also Kate looked
like she was trying to stay awake while singing (only later did you discover
that this was part of what plot there was).

Then some silly stuff happened that gave it all a very "Buckaroo Banzai"
feel, and then she launched into a video for "And so is Love".  This one
rather disturbed me, 'cause a bird was killed in it.  First she wears a
dead bird on her head, then she has one killed for a video.  Rumor has it
that she even eats chicken nowadays.  I am NOT inviting her to MY place,
'cause God knows what she'll do to our pet African Grey.

Then, in a very Lewis Carollish fashion, Miranda Richardson (sporting a
funky costume by Hazel Perthig (sp?), the same costumer for Monty Python,
and a set of wonderful Frida Kahlo eyebrows that were just to die for)
bursts through a mirror for the first bit of real dialog.  Then they launch
into "The Red Shoes";  It would not surprise anyone (with the possible
exception of IED) that M.R. is a better actress than K.B.  What DID surprise
me was she was doing a MUCH better job lip synching to Kate's music than
Kate herself was.

Lindsey Kemp showed up, looking like a slightly cuter and slightly scarier
version of the Joel Grey character from "Cabaret".  Lily, played by Lily(!)
then appears, and they launch into (you guessed it) "Lily".  (If you think
I'm skimping on the plot here, I'm just omitting surrealistic dream-like
images.  The "Plot" is that Kate has the shoes M.R. had, and L.K. is
acting like a guide in the Looking-glass world to help Kate get back to
the real world.  She can only do this by giving the shoes back to M.R.,
who refuses them, so Kate has to do it by Magic.  That's it.  That's the
entire plot.)

Anyway, the "Lily" number has the four archangles, Gabriel holding up,
of course, Lilies, Raphael holding a staff (or possibly a spear, I couldn't
tell), Michael holding a sword, and Uriel holding a bowling ball.  Someone
else can figure out the symbolism of these.

We then jump into a video for "Eat the Music", which showed Kate chasing
M.R. through a hall of fruit, and dancing on them.  Walking on banana peels
is hard enough - how did they run & dance on them?

After more surreal images, a number for "Moment of Pleasure" starts.
In the "Hills of Time" part, you can see the various people she mentions
floating by.  I wondered if the actual people looked anything like that.

Finally, more surreal images flash before us, M.R. gets the Red Shoes back,
Kate escapes back to the Real World, but M.R. performs one last piece of
Magic, and lastly we see a pair of legs poking up from a pile of rubble -
are they Miranda Richardson's, or are they Kate's?

The End.

The credits are worth mentioning - naturally, the entire Bush clan was
involved (including Paddy as a dancing devil in the "Red Shoes" number).
The audience must not have been entirely Lovehounds, 'cause a HUGE cheer
came up when Del Palmer's name appeared.  Also, keep a look out for other
names you will recognize (such as the cameraman, Terry Gilliam).  I forgot
to check who the Gaffer was, so I could write to Kate to ask if they were...
oh, nevermind.

Following TLTC&TC was a German short film (who's name I forgot but it
wouldn't matter anyway 'cause only Uli would understand it).  It was a rather
funny woman's slice-of-life comedy (of the basic "Men- can't live with 'em,
can't shoot 'em" variety) - well, what did you exspect at a Women's Film
Festival?  Anyway, as was mentioned, during one brief scene a stack of
albums is panned by, with a copy of The Dreaming on top.  What wasn't mentioned
was that a HUGE CHEER erupted from the audience when this happened.

Afterwards, I discovered some major differences between SF's BART system
and Boston's T, but that's another story.

All in all, I give "The Line, The Cross, & The Curve" a big thumbs up -
best soundtrack I ever heard in any film, and I *LIKE* surreal images!

- Stev0 the Critic (Wednesday night, ABC)

"It's really happening to you!" - Lindsey Kemp, apparently to me, personally