An open letter to Kate Bush

[aurs01!mcnc.org!whitcomb%aurgate@mcnc.org]

Dear Kate^H^H^H^HKaTe^H^H^H^HCatherine^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HMs. Bush;

I am a frequent reader of a US based electronic digest called
"Love-Hounds".  The expressed purpose of this digest is to provide an
open forem to discuss your music, videos, tours, love life, home
security system, diet, sexual prowess, family affairs and whether or
not you occasionally defecate.  This is all well and good.  The
trouble is, when we don't have a new song or video or rumor to
discuss, we tend to digress into a public pissing contest.  In fact,
some of us seem so distressed by a lack of new offerings that we
can find nothing better to do than exchange derogatory posts all day
long.

Please realize that to many of us, you are not merely a popular
musician.  You are a goddess, an idol, the one messiah, a sexual
surrogate, an intellectual focus, a moral lamppost, a thousand points
of light, a spiritual beacon and the very reason for existance.  Of
course there are some living on the fringes of the group who merely
enjoy listening you your music from time to time.  We tend not to
acknowledge these lesser beings.  Some even have the nerve to attempt
to inject some levity into the group.  Truly, we are splitting at the
seams.

So, on behalf of my friends at Love-Hounds, would you please release
an album or single or video or something very soon?  We need an
offering to placate us for a while, as we still have months to wait
until we can celebrate your birthday.  I am especially at a point of
crisis, as lately I have begun to think that Matthew Sweet's
"Girlfriend" album may deserve to share the title of "BESTEST ALBUM OF
ALL TIME" with "The Dreaming".  These are sorry times indeed.

Your faithful fan,

Jonathan Whitcomb.

P.S.  I'm sorry I called you a bubblehead.