Re: front row or die

[nrc@cbema.att.com (Neal R Caldwell, Ii)]

>From article <9106261836.AA25555@bunny.gte.com>, by gb10@gte.COM (Gregory Bossert):
[How to get around the satanic ticket overlords]
>
> the best bet is to get on the venue's guest list, but you need press
> status, a connection with the record company, or a hefty bribe to do
          ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> this...

Are you out of your MIND?  It has been clearly explained to one and
all here on gaffa that a record company connection (i.e. Dances with
Squid) is of no value or significance whatsoever!   

Your suggestion that there might be of even the slightest use for such 
a connection is clear proof that you've been spending too much time in
the petting tank at 'Squids R Us'.  How many times do we have to tell
you people before you get it through your tiny invertebrate skulls?  
These people are eeeeeeevil!  They want to make MONEY!  How could you 
even think of having any sort of connection with slimy worms like 
that when you know that at this very moment they may be turning a
PROFIT!?

Hey! What are you looking at me like that for?  Ok, so how do *I* get
advance copies of albums and bits and pieces of inside information without 
some sort of record company contact, you ask?   Well....that's different.  

See, I KNOW how to deal with SCUM like them.  *I* can pick up the
latest tidbits and rumors without getting that green ichor they secrete 
all over me!  YOU people would be covered with it in no time!  And
then you know what happens?  WAM!  Just like that you're out buying
the entire New Squids on the Block catalog on CD AND cassette!

THINK for a second people!  First of all you're simply NOT qualified to 
deal with this particular species of cephalopod.  You would be lucky
to get anything out of them besides Paula Abdul posters and a blinding
jet of inky black fluid.  

Second of all, none of you has really come up with any positive, new 
information lately to convince ME that you really deserve the kind of 
inside information that one of these valuable...err useless contacts 
can provide.  It is only reasonable to wonder if you people have some 
ulterior motive.
 
I deeply and sincerely hope that you people aren't trying to give the 
impression that you're somehow worthy or qualified to handle this sort 
of invaluable ...err worthless contact.  As much as it pains me to
even consider such at thing I fear that this may be the case.  Two 
undisputable facts about record company contacts:

    1. If I have them they're good.
    2. If you have them they ain't.


        
                                   Richard Caldwell of
                                       Richard'n'Missy of Columbus


nrc@cbnews.att.com


Let a smile be your umbrella, folks! :-) :-)