Judgement Day

[mailrus!gatech!mit-eddie!eddie.mit.edu!henrik@uunet.UU.NET (Larry DeLuca)]

Well, fellow love-hounds, Judgement Day is at hand for our intrepid
larry..., and soon he will present himself before the face of
God, and hope that She smiles favorably upon him.  

It all started out when I got working on the new demo for Berklee 
(I got in, but this is for the scholarship money).  I picked several
songs that showed off (I hoped) my talents as a songwriter and
musician, and started recording.

Well, since I'm going for Music Production as well, I wanted to show
off a bit of my production abilities.  So, I decided, "Let's take
'Thru The Ceiling (my latest accessible pop ditty) and make a
dance re-mix of it.".  Great idea.  Such fun.

Well, the recording was going quite well, and we decided that we were
having so much fun that I really needed to add a couple of drop-ins
to make the whole thing complete (drop-ins are those little bits of
a song inserted into another song that are sped up or slowed down to
be in tempo with the rest of it).

So, I got out my CD player, and Ofra Haza, and Fine Young Cannibals,
and Kate Bush, and got down to business. The resulting "Pillow Talk"
can be heard during the big drum break.

Well, since I haven't done a demo in about a year or so, and since I'm
so tired of that one, and since none of the music in Live Show V2.0
is on it (and vice versa) and since people keep asking for a new tape
(mostly 'cause they wanna hear 'Thru The Ceiling') I decided that I 
should probably make a new tape.

So, now I need the rights to these drop-ins.  

This should be easy, right?  Just call BMI and ASCAP and ask them to
send me the form and send them a check for 99 cents, right?

Wrong.

	BMI:  Call Harry Fox.  They can help you.

	Harry Fox:  Do you have permission yet?

	Larry...:  No, that's why I'm calling you.

	Harry Fox:  Well, you're in trouble then.

	Larry...:  But why?  I haven't released it yet.

	Harry Fox:  'Cause you have to call the record labels, and if
		they give you the go-ahead, then you can contact the
		publishers, and if they approve then you talk to 
		us to arrange payment.  They might not even give you
		the rights.

	Larry...:  Oh.

So we start calling the record labels...

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

	<muzak version of their latest pop hit>

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

	<muzak version of their latest pop hit>

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

	<muzak version of their latest pop hit>

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

	<muzak version of their latest pop hit>

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

	<muzak version of their latest pop hit>

	The Record Labels: Hello, Big Record Company, Inc.

	Larry...:  Hello, I'd like to ...

	The Record Labels:  Please hold, I'll transfer you ...

And so on.  Sire referred me to WEA, who referred me to some guy in
publicity who knows Ofra Haza's manager.  The legal dept. at WEA is
still trying to figure out who I should talk to, though I think this
will be no problem, as when he asked:

	Jeff:  Which artist?

	Larry...:  Ofra Haza.

	Jeff:  Ofra?  Ofra!!?!  I just *knew* it was going to be Ofra!
		She's the Queen of the Sample these days, I tell you.

On to IRS Records.  Their legal dept. called me back, and we are now
in a game of telephone tag.  It took three operators in several
different states before I got a number not connected with the Internal
Runaround Service, though.

	Operator:  Well, I'm not showing an IRS Records, but I do
		have the toll-free information number...

	Larry...:  No, the *record company*.

	Operator:  Oh.  Please hold...

	<muzak version of 'Reach out and Touch Someone'>

And, of course, the best for last.  After playing a game of Telephone
Labrynth, a Mary Scotti gave me a fax number so I could send her all the
info, which I did.

She called back today.

	Mary:  Hi, Larry.  This is Mary Scotti over at EMI.  I got
		all your info and was wondering, do you have a tape
		of this?

	Larry...:  Actually, yes.  I could send you a cassette dub of
		the finished mix.

	Mary:  That would be great.  Now I have to get her contract
		pulled out of storage, but I'm pretty sure that 
		our contract with Kate Bush calls for personal approval
		on all use of her music.

	<Larry... thinks, "Of course it does.  She controls every other
	 aspect of her career, so why not this?  Of course she'd listen
	 to it herself.  They'll just send her the --

			**** BING ****

	OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODSHEREALLYISOHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODOHHHH SHIT!
	
	cassette.
	>

	Larry...:  Yeah, I'm not surprised.  

	Mary:  You'll have to be patient, though, 'cause she usually
		takes a while with this sort of thing.  Just send
		me the tape and I'll forward it to the appropriate
		people.

	<OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODTHISISN'TTHEWAYIPLANNEDIT!!!>

	Larry...:  So it has to go directly to her?

	Mary:  Well, either her or her management.

	Larry...:  Well, since her family does most of that these days
		same difference.

	Mary:  That is true.  Do you have our address?

	Larry...:  Yes, in fact.  Just send it care of you?

	Mary:  That would be fine.  I'll forward it and let you know
		when I hear.

So off goes 'Thru The Ceiling (The Handheld Mix)' to Kate Bush and
Co.  Boy am I terrified.

					larry...