"Dear"light

[Jorn Barger <barger@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu>]

"Uh yeah I got this 'Package too big for box' message last week?"
"Nnng..."
(let's see, it's either the stuff from kindlight or the james joyce 
songbook, or, let's see...  Hey, two boxes and a bag in a rubberband... 
must be _kindlight_...!!!  Those boxes look pretty small...
The stamps say "Carrickfergus"-- that's UK alright... oh boy oh boy)
"Sure there's nothin else?"
"You got three of em there in the rubber band, ain't that enough?"
(Smartass... I can't wait, lemme take off the rubberbands and this 
twine, open up the tee-shirts here, "100% cotton, made in portugal" what 
a class act, extra-large they're supposed to be, lemme unfold it here 
and gaze at that face... 
UH, I said lemme gaze at that face... what's going on here?
I spent 20 bucks each, and all I get is a stripe of gold letters down 
one side, and this, some kind of gold _doily_ on the back???
Oh, I see, I got misprints! It's the lettering from the subway poster, 
but they forgot to do the photo in that white layer, first!  What space 
cadets!  Well, I'll just send 'em a polite note, and maybe I'll end up 
with four tees for the price of two...
Lemme look at these books then... The ad in Homeground said they were 
almost gone, but they sent me two like I ordered, as small as they are 
I'm gonna be embarrassed to try and resell one for $100 though... what'd 
I pay.. $75 each?  This slipcover's a bit flimsy...the binding looks top 
quality, though.  "Cathy"-- kinda modest lettering... ah, these photos 
are gorgeous, adorable!!  Classy little pictureframe cutouts over each 
one... hmmm, that's it? maybe, 15 photos is all?  This ain't may day...)
[Arriving home, he looks up the original ad:]
(The books only cost 25 pounds over there, not 40.  Here's the 
description of the tee-- it does say something about the beautiful, 
sand-thru-the-fingers photo doesn't it?  It doesn't?  $20 bucks for gold 
letters and a doily?  If I tuck it in, half her name disappears behind 
my belt!!!)

I don't want to sound ungrateful-- the photos are really sweet-- but I 
do want to warn people that the exorbitant shipping costs from Kindlight 
and the inexplicably chintzy job on the tee make this a 
less-than-spectacular deal...