Les Dogs

[Stephen Thomas <spt1@ukc.ac.uk>]

Hello everyone.

About 45 minutes ago, as I write, the BBC aired the programme that featured
Kate in her first ever acting role. As any gaffan who has been reading will
know, this was called "Les Dogs", and was part of the latest Comic Strip
series. As everyone on the other side of the pond is expecting a summary
to be posted, I am doing just that. I shall post a description as best
I can remember, and then say what I thought of her.

LES DOGS
--- ----

The programme was rather surreal, to say the least - it almost defies
description. Nevertheless, I shall do my best. Certain parts of my
narrative may be badly sequenced - I am sure people with better memories
will put me right. I shall be missing out trivial parts anyway.

After some initial opening scenes, we find ourselves on a highway, panning
over the scene of a crash, between a beat up old blue van (with LES DOGS
in red letters on the side) and a Jaguar. The driver of the Jag
(a chauffer (sp?)) is dead, but his boss [Peter Richardson] on the back
seat is still alive and whole and is conducting a business deal. He
finishes it, then tries to attract the attention of the driver and fails.
He then reaches over, into the drivers jacket, and removes his wallet.
He says something like "I just need some money for a taxi - the rest I
shall send to your wife - I shall post it myself." He leaves the car, and
we see that the highway is totally empty. He sets off into the countryside
by the highway.

The man (whose name is Victor, BTW) is walking through the countryside. In
order to keep his shoes clean, he has removed them (and his socks) and is
carrying them while walking barefoot. Eventually he comes to a hotel.
Putting his shoes and socks back on (over his muddy feet) he walks in to
one of the reception suites, to find that there is a wedding reception
going on. He looks around.

The two families are arranged on two separate tables, facing each other,
and it is obvious that there is a huge degree of animosity going on. The
best man [Adrian Edmondson] is, in a wimpish way, reading his speech (which
is truly excruciating). Eventually Victor's eyes alight upon - you guessed
it - Kate herself. She is the bride, and her name is Angela Watkins. She is
rather beautiful in a patiently happy sort of way, dressed in a white
wedding gown.

Anyway, while the best man drones on, her new husband starts caressing
her and kissing her. She accepts this with all signs of happiness. His hands
and face are covered with some sort of reddish-brown powder (like cinnamon),
and he leaves stains on her face and dress.

The best man realises he is terminally boring and wraps up his speech with
a toast, which everyone ignores. The animosity between the two families
goes up several notches as we watch in silence. Finally, the bride's father
[Alexei Sayle] stands up and says that the groom is a worthless lump of
rubbish (using slightly stronger words) and he only let his daughter go
because it was what she wanted and he loved her, but he was thinking
of putting a stop to it NOW. The groom's father [Tim McKinnery (sp?)] stands
up and says that the groom [I forget the name of the actor and the character]
is the best catch of the county and that the bride only led him on until
he was forced to marry her in order to get her to bed.

Then the bride's father pulls out a gun and shoots the groom's father in the
arm. This is a signal for all the guests to push over the tables and all start
shooting at each other across the tables. In the confusion, but observed by
Victor, the newlyweds leave by a back door.

The scene shifts to a separate room in the hotel, where a buffet meal is
being prepared for the guests. Victor enters, possibly in search of the
bride. The bride's mother [Miranda Richardson] asks Victor to do the
wedding photographs, as the real photographer had to leave. We then seem
him outside with the camera, arranging the bride and groom for the
photo - or rather just focussing on the bride and trying to move the
groom out of the picture.

The scene then changes to the couple in their honeymoon suite in the hotel,
where they are unwrapping gifts. Someone has given them a truly obnoxious
talking doll. They both find this highly amusing.

We next see Victor wandering around the hotel, again in search of her. He
sees her going through a door further along the corridor, and starts
hurrying after her, but never catches up. He almost does when she goes into
a lift [elevator], but it closes before he can get in it with her. He
rushes up the stairs to be there to meet her, but when the lift opens, she
isn't there - there is someone else he doesn't know.

A bit later, after a bit more wandering, Victor encounters a small crowd of
people gathered around someone. It is the bride, who has obviously fainted,
just outside the honeymoon suite. He claims to be a doctor, picks her up
and carries her into the suite.

There he gently lays her on the bed and goes into the bathroom, where he
takes of his shoes and socks and washes his feet (still muddy) in the bidet.
Just as he is finishing, he notices through the open door of the bathroom
a small child in nappies [diapers] on a tricycle wander past, looking at
him curiously. The child wanders out of sight.

The next thing is that Kate comes into the bathroom, in normal housewife
clothes, and starts talking to Victor as if he is her lover, whom she is
planning to run away with - leave her husband and children, because she
loves Victor. Victor is confused by this. [BTW, this is the first time
Kate speaks - I was wondering if she was going to say anything at all!]
They then start caressing each other and just as things start to get
really interesting - she disappears. She was never there. It was all his
imagination.

He then notices some strange noises coming from outside the bathroom. He
leaves and finds that he is in the home of Angela and her husband, with
her father, at a Christmas party. Victor is welcomed as a family friend
without whom the party would be incomplete. She says she has something
to show Victor, and leads him away, but before he follows her, the husband
takes Victor aside, and says something like he really loves her, and if she
left him, it would destroy him.

We then have a scene change. It is late at night and Victor is standing
dressed in a Santa Claus outfit in the middle of the house's family
room. Everyone else has obviously gone to bed. He seems to have just
awoken, as if he had been standing asleep. He looks around and finds
the obnoxious doll mentioned earlier. It encourages him that she is his
for the taking.

He goes upstairs and finds her in bed with her husband, asleep. She is
lying on her side. He goes over and reaches out for her, and she wakes
up. Her eyes open and a very bright light shines out. He is drawn to
these twin beams and is pulled down into them ...

... and we hear the crashing of metal and glass as the car he was being
driven in collides with an oncoming vehicle, the van. The whole thing
had been some sort of before-dying, last-moments dream.

OK, that is more or less it. You may be wondering where the title comes
from. It was the name of a French glam heavy metal band who had been hired
to do the music for the reception. They had refused to go on whilst the
guests were shooting, until the lead singer was coerced in a rather
painful fashion. Of course, they were all killed.

KATE
----

So what was she like? I thought she was OK, but she was definitely showing
her age a bit - although this does not really matter. To my relatively
untrained eye, she showed signed that this sort of acting was not
entirely natural to her - or perhaps she was not used to it, would be
a better way of putting it.

Although she was one of the lead characters, she was not actually called
upon to do much - the other characters acted around her. Still, she looked
very good, and she fitted the part of the bride perfectly.

Anyway, I am tired, so I shall sign off and let others give their opinions.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Stephen

-- 
  Never give   |  Stephen Thomas
  fate an      |  JANET: spt1@ukc.ac.uk
  even chance  |  Telephone: +44 (0)227 764000 ext 3824
               |  Snail: Computing Lab, University of Kent at Canterbury, UK.