Katemas-California 89

[ide!lofdahl@Sun.COM (Corey Lofdahl)]

I am full in the flush of Kate-ness after a truly enjoyable
Katemas party.  Being a Californian, I'd like to share the
experience with Love-Hounds everywhere: 

                    "KATEMAS-CALIFORNIA 89" 
 
First off, I must confess I felt a certain hesitation to attend
the party.  I've been a Love Hound for a while, but I was a little
concerned about meeting the people.  What if I didn't know enough
about KT?  What if I wasn't sufficiently devotional?   What if
these people were really weird?  And my friends and family
certainly weren't any help.  "What are you doing this weekend?",
they would inquisitively ask.  "Going to celebrate Katemas in
Santa Cruz with people I've never met",  I would innocently
answer.  And then they'd give me this look.  You know the look,
like when you come into close contact with something
incomprehensible and disturbing, like  a Tim Moroney posting 8-].
I felt compelled to add "Katemas is Kate Bush's birthday, she'll
be 31".  "Is she going to be there?" they'd ask, still giving me
that look.  I'd get my own look, "Do you know who Kate Bush
is?" and receive, That Look.  Then I'd naively try to explain, I
would try to articulate, indeed, I would try to convey the feeling
that she's more than a singer, more than a musician, more than a
writer.  She explores subjects I've never considered.  She expands
my understanding of the human condition, of emotion, of life
itself.  She, she ...

"Is she hot?", they would ask, interrupting.  
"Hotter than Martha Quinn."  
"Wow"

But what can you do with these people?  As Kurt Vonnugut said,
"Like so many Americans, they were trying to create a life that made 
sense from things they found in gift shops".  From Max Headroom to 
Sylvester Stalone, from Jackie Collins to Harold Robbins, from Debbie 
Gibson to Tiffany, these people have experienced everything that American
mass media has to offer.  They've been there and back.  So alone
and vaguely discouraged, I set out across the magnificently
beautiful, yet treacherously rugged Santa Cruz mountains to find
the meaning of Katemas.  45 minutes later, I was about to
celebrate Katemas for the first time, and change my life.
 
The party was in a nice apartment complex in north Santa Cruz.
In the parking lot I ran into Dan, who saw the ravens, who
exhibited his Love Hound-ness by looking very lost.  So together
we trekked off to search for the meaning of Katemas.  After
several minutes of classic wondering around, we heard the siren
song of KT.  Upon entering Tracy's apartment, I felt instantly
comfortable.  They had all the traditional Katemas decorations up:
KT posters hung everywhere (and I mean everywhere), Katemas
compact disks, singles, books, and clothing on the floor, and
Katemas carols (TWS) on the traditional Katemas laser disk.  Just
as Kate knows that details are important, Tracy does too.  In the
bathroom there were KT posters for looking, KT articles for
reading, and a cassette recorder with obsKuriTies I for listening,
so that even during those few moments, her guests wouldn't have to
miss a single minute of Katemas celebration.

Upon entering this veritable Katextravaganza, introductions were
made, but I confess to being transfixed by the laser-disk images
of Kate.  After this momentary lapse of reason, I fell into
conversation with the other Love-Hounds who were exploring
Andrew's travelling Kate show on the floor like ... kids on
Katemas morning.  It's incredible, but Tom actually went to school
with and lived across the hall from this girl that I knew briefly
while living in New York.  Isn't that incredible?  Naturally and
instantaneously we were like, practically brothers, like.  Just
about this time Larry arrived with his "KTISGOD" California
license plate.  VERY impressive, but Andrew had to hold IED back. 
It was touch and go, but he handled it and is now probably
stronger because of it.

To help get his mind off the whole license plate thing, Andrew put
some KT interviews on the traditional Katemas Betamax.  The
shock was truly, well ... shocking.  Where do these interviewers
come from?  Each and every one of these interviewers had serious,
serious dain bramage, and it's easy to understand why KT might
have a serious aversion to the good ole USofA.  She was put on a
TV special with Dr. Hook and the Travelling Drug Cabinet, and had
to be interviewed by all seven of these drugstore cowboys.  It was
like a British person's worst nightmare.  I can't remember exactly
how the interview progressed, but I can make something up.  

"OOOOOO WEEEEEE, ain't Kate a cute one Billy-Bob".
"I'll say, she's a keeper Bobby-Jim".
"That sure was a pretty song, where are you from anyway".
"Eng.."
"OOOWWWW! Sum'n poked me!  Let's change places Jonny-Joe".
"Sure-Nuf Joe-Billy".
"Oohh,Ungh.  Much better now, Boy that smarts!"
"That's about all the time we have to chat, introduce the next
 song Jimmy-Dave"
"The next song is duh ... duh ... Delicious"
"Kate-Bob's pretty delicious too [canned laughter]"

Then there was the Night-Flight interview, which you might suspect
would be intelligent and well thought out, but you'd be wrong. 
The lady asking the questions had a tough time completing
sentences and would ask things like:

"Instruments.  The Fairlight?  Started with the Dreaming?"
"Music.  What kind listen to you do?  Music."
"So you're English?"
"Where's Kent?"

Penetrating questions all.  And after each answer she would,
"HHHmmmm", like a psychologist.  But the highlight was when she
asked Kate if she used backup singers for HoL, and Kate answered
"no".  The interviewer didn't believe her.  She actually went
back, checked her notes, and then said, "Oh yes you did. It
says so here".  Wouldn't Kate know?  She was there after all. 
It's HER album!  Do You KNOW WHO KATE IS!  WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!
Kate was cool though.

And then we read the People Magazine review of HoL, a true
classic.  It should be posted in it's entirety, but the caption
underneath Kate's picture was, "Album not as cheerful as
picture".  "And the editors lost their collective bladder control
over the new Jetts album, everyone agreed it was real peppy ..."

About this time the calls started arriving.  The spirit of Katemas
so swept up Love-Hounds from all across the country that in a
joyous manifestation of the Katian spirit, inter-state
communication simply had to be achieved.  The east-coasters
called, Andrew talked, and we all screamed "HI!" as loud as we
could.  But the real party-aminals are up in Seattle.  These guys
are true maniacs, in every sense of the word.  They had 26 people
at their party, and everyone of them wanted to talk to Andrew. 
Andrew got tired, and people just started spontaneously talking to
other people.  Hell, it was their bill.  The call culminated with
everyone putting on their traditional Katemas party hats, singing
Happy Birthday to Kate *SIMULTANEOUSLY* in both Santa Cruz and
Seattle, and then blowing out the traditional Katemas candles.  It
was a beautiful experience.  

Time to crank up the video-disk again, with Andrew treating us
to his KT video insights which I found highly entertaining,
especially, "The Big Sky".  I'm not simply interested in this
particular video; I don't even particularly want this video; I
outright need this video.  Under Andrew's careful tutelage, I even
gained a new appreciation for "Experiment IV" which until that
point had left me kind of cold.  I should mention at this point,
that though Andrew had more reasonable and rational Kate
knowledge, Tom, who I mentioned previously, was a veritable
fountain of Katian ideas throughout the day.  Though currently
studying Computer Science, an activity that has destroyed many
great minds, given the proper training Tom could easily reach the
top echelons of Kate-Bushology.  We should all wish him well.  

By now it was getting rather late, and we took a memorial picture
to commemorate the event.  It will soon be digitized, put in easy
to retrieve bitmap format for almost effortless retrieval, and
stored at the Night-Flight home office in New York City, which is
in New York.  Just call and ask for the dumb interviewer and
simply say "I want the Love-Hounds Katemas-California 89 bitmap",
and she will reply, "Where's California?  What's a Love-Hound? 
What's Katemas?  What's a bitmap?  When's lunch?  HHmmmm ...".  

At this point it was late and time to leave.  My last memory is of
a room full of faithful Kate celebrants (the kateful?), watching
the Hammersmith video.  What did I learn?  Andrew has a lot of
Kate stuff, and is a nice guy; I don't know about IED.  If Andrew
ever gives a Kate class, I want to take it.  It's also possible to
spend 8+ hours engrossed in KT and not get overwhelmed because
she's so talented, varied, and interesting.  She's also hotter
than Martha Quinn and Stevie Nicks put together.  Andrew and Tom
opened entire new vistas of symbolism for me.  And finally, it's
possible to meet 15 new people and have a great time because KT
fans just happen to be fabulous.  Merry Katemas.


I'd like to thank Tracy for hosting and feeding us, 
Larry for bringing the KTISGOD license plate, 
Dave for bringing the KT laser discs and setup, 
Andrew for bringing amazing amounts of Kate paraphernalia, 
Tom for his insightful and exuberant analyses, 
and everybody else for being there. 

                                   --Corey