A Yank's Guide to British Press

[stev0@zuni.chaco.com (Steve Berlin)]

People here seem to be upset about some Brit rag slagging
Kate.  Since British journalists are people who generally were
too untalented even for British "cooking", I present as a favour
here:

A GUIDE TO BRITISH JOURNALISM FOR YANKS (Music
Editition).

1.  Find new band (This is usually easy - pick one who just
made their first cover of NME).

2.  Call band "The next Beatles".

3.  The next week, call the band "BETTER than the Beatles!"

4.  The next week, call the members of the band Major Deities.

5.  Band releases album.

6.  Call album "Work of sheer genius".  Prattle on for 7 or 8 pages
about it.

7.  Band has the gall to release a SECOND album.

8.  Call album "Worst you're ever heard", say EVERYTHING the
band has ever done is "pure shite", call band members "The most
talentless wankers you've had the displeasure of being subjected
to", and all the band member's mothers are "cheap whores".

9.  Find new band, start again.

- Stev0 the fifth Beatle

"Hi, guys!  Mind if I join in?"
  - Rupert Murdoch