The Ninth Wave: The Motion Picture

[stev0@zuni.chaco.com (stev0)]

After plodding through most of that "Ninth Wave Screenplay"
that somehow oozed onto my monitor, I have to say:  You're
beautiful, bubba, love the soundtrack, we'll do lunch.  It
just needs a MINOR change here or there to make it saleable.
I humbly present those changes here.

                    THE NINTH WAVE 
              Or:  Die Hard in a Shipwreck

Opening Scene:

MAN (Keanu Reeves) and WOMAN (Julia Roberts)
are making love in what is obviously a ship's cabin.
Background music:

AND DREAM OF SHEEP.

Suddenly MANIAC BAD GUY (Dennis Hopper) bursts in
the cabin in a blaze of gunfire.  BIG GUN FIGHT with
LOTS OF EXPLOSIONS

Background music:

UNDER ICE

(MANIAC BAD GUY comes right after the word "Wonderful"
in the first line).

Song ends, MANIAC BAD GUY blows huge wall in cabin, escapes
with WOMAN under arm.  MAN pulls out Uzi from under coat,
wings MANIAC BAD GUY who drops WOMAN in water.  MANIAC BAD
GUY escapes in waiting speed boat without WOMAN.  MAN is
knocked unconcious by a COMICAL BUT ANNOYING HENCHMAN 
(Gilbert Gotfried).

Scene II

MAN wakes up to WAKING THE WITCH.  Everything is spinning
and blurry.  During the line "Look who's here to see you!",
MAN realizes he's in a roomful of HENCHMEN.  Big gunfight
ensues, MAN kills everyone except COMICAL BUT ANNOYING
HENCHMAN who escapes.

Scene III:

Cut between SLOW MOTION SHOTS of MAN having FLASHBACKS of
wonderful suburban life with WOMAN (running in park laughing,
etc.) and shots of WOMAN in water clutching onto a crate
(NOTE TO DIRECTOR:  This would be a good place for product
placement).

Background music:

Watching You Without Me

Scene IV:

MAN fights his way in smoke-filled ship to main cabin with
backround music THE JIG OF LIFE.  Just before the jig part,
MAN bursts into main cabin.  During the jig part, he has
HAND TO HAND COMBAT with COMICAL YET ANNOYING HENCHMAN.  During
the "I put this moment here" part, MAN suddenly pushes COMICAL
YET ANNOYING HENCHMAN into something large and pointy.  COMICAL
YET ANNOYING HENCHMAN dies.  During the "Poetry" part, MAN
has HAND TO HAND COMBAT with MANIAC BAD GUY.  At the end,
MANIAC BAD GUY has MAN pinned down and is about to slit MAN's
throat.  Suddenly, WOMAN bursts through the door, shoots
MANIAC BAD GUY with bazooka she's holding.  MANIAC BAD GUY dies(?),
MAN and WOMAN hug each other, panting.  He is a bruised, bloodied,
sweaty mess.  Her hair is slightly mussed.

Background music:

Hello Earth

Scene V:

MAN and WOMAN escape in speedboat WOMAN had beside ship.
Suddenly, MANIAC BAD GUY leaps up from under the water
into the boat.  Then a shark swallows MANIAC BAD GUY, and
MAN shoves oxygen tank in shark's mouth, sails quickly away,
and shoots the oxygen tank with a grappling hook.  SHARK and
MANIAC BAD GUY blow up real good.

MAN and WOMAN sail off to the sunset.  Start to roll credits
with THE MORNING FOG.

                              THE END