Star Trek Meets Love-Hounds - THE RETURN

[rhill@netlink.cts.com (Ron Hill)]

        Here is "Star Trek Meets Love-Hounds - THE RETURN".
        Humour-deficient people should skip this message!  













Messages-ID: #????.music/music.gaffa 12099 chars.
From: McCoy 
Newsgroups: rec.music.gaffa 
Subject: Where are they??  
Date: 14 Dec 91 09:32:42 GMT 
Organization: ??????? 

<JKFD>n<10994343043>
MESSAGE SOURCE INIDENTIFABLE, RETURNING TO NETWORK: 
  
>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> WHERE ARE YOU SPOCK, JIM.  OH SHIT, I'LL BE HERE FOREVER...
        
>????@????.com (KIRK) writes" 
>We are here, Bones. 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> Indeed we are, Doctor. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> Jim, Spock, thank God.  I've been here for hours, I'm on a
>special rescue mission from Starfleet and I've...

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>We, know, Leonard. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> What, how could you possibly know?  Listen, Jim, I'm a doctor
>not a computer program.  We've gotta get out of here...

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> No need to rush, there is exactly 43.2 minutes remaining until
>the scheduled beam-out point. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THAT?  I'M SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUING
>YOU!  Jim, what's going on? 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>Brace yourself, Bones, we are not only back in time but we have
>traveled to an alternative universe.  

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> Not this again, as if being stuck in a computer system isn't
>bad enough.  Does Spock have a beard in this universe, too? 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>No, he doesn't.  In this universe and this time we are not real
>people but are characters in a TV show.  There are many other
>differences as well...

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> I'm a doctor, not a blender!!

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes: 
>What was that? 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> Oh... ah, nothing.
 
>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>Well, as you know we had accidently traved through a portal back
>in time and into this universe while beaming down to a planet. 
>Our consiousness's were placed into a computer system entitled
>"The Love Hounds Computer Network."  After we had suffered
>through, what seemed at the time, seemily endless messages,
>Spock released a computer virus that was intended to be passed
>from computer to computer until it reached the Enterprise in our
>time, when it would release a message giving Scott instructions
>on how to beem us back through the portal that brought us here.
>       However, this is not what happened.  The virus reached the
>future, but, in this universe, Scott was not there.  Indeed, The
>Enterprise and it's crew did not even exist, at least not as we
>know them.  The entire galaxy was different.  Fortunately the
>people in that time intercepted the message and brought us
>forward in time themselves, to the future of this universe.

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> Why?

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>Simply because, as they put it, it was the nice thing to do. 
>They were able to show us around, while they searched through
>the ancient computer systems with their Past Time Viewers until
>they were able to find information about you coming to rescue
>us.  They then sent us back here. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> But we don't have any machines capable of viewing the past like
>that. 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>In OUR universe, but in this universe their future is full of
>many strange and wonderful things. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> I haven't been able to make any sense of the messages here or
>to understand what these people are talking about.  I've never
>heard of Kate Bush.  Does this computer system also exist in the
>past of our universe? 
        
>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> Yes, it does.  Though things are subtly different between the
>two universes, especially when it comes to the people.  In our
>universe, Vickie is happily married to Richard and Chris is
>married to Melissa.  IED is a real person and Andrew Marvick has
>never heard of Kate, having missed that fateful day...   Ron
>Hill is well known for "Wuthering Heights - Pat Benatar in her
>Own Words", (this is particularly ironic since his
>"Cloudbusting" book, in this universe, will become the holy
>book of the people of Gaffan II).  Also, in our universe, no one
>has heard of Cynthia, though Sinead O'Conner makes frequent,
>flaming appearences. 
>       However, Kate Bush's life up to this point in time is
>virtally the same in both universes.  Kate enjoys a healthy and
>productive life, making wonderful albums, and subtlely changing
>the world.  You probably are not aware of it, but Gorbachev has
>long been a secret Kate Bush fan. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> No, I didn't know that. 
        
>       SPOCK: It won't become well known for several years. >We
have also been told of the future of Kate's life in OUR
>universe. At a 1994 Kate Bush convention she met Ken SaintJohn
>and instantly fell in love.  The next several months would prove
>to be the happiest time in Kate's life, but unfortunately that
>happyness was short lived as Ken was tragically killed when his
>Amiga exploded after he tried to plug the American machine into
>a British socket.  Kate couldn't live in the country that had
>caused her love's death, so she moved to America where she 
>quickly became involved with and then married to talk show host
>Howard Stern, to whom she dedicated her disappointing 1996
>album, For The Love Of Stern.  Although she was said to be happy
>with Howard, she still longed for Ken, and drew strength from
>this pain when she launched her triumphant 1998 Tour Of Life II
>which was the first to use virtual reality musical techiques,
>which were based on ideas of Ken.  
>       It is then that the story again takes a down turn.  She
>then joined Howard's talk show, as the "featured" singer, and
>the two remaining albums she released consisted mainly of the
>bad cover versions she sang on the show.  Both of these albums
>are banned (by punishment of death) on Gaffan II.  Her future
>after 2004 is unknown in our universe, due to the turbulance of
>the times, and this gave rise to innumerable "Kate is alive" and
>"Kate is Suspended in Animation, Somewhere" stories, for which
>there is no evidence, though Oliver Stone XV did make a smash
>film based on this theory. 
>       Of course, this is the future of OUR universe, which is very
>different from what will happen in THIS universe.  In fact, I
>have discovered that the exact point of divergence is the point
>when Ken and Kate met.  If it were not for that meeting, the
>history of our universe, in all probability would have been much
>sunnier. 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>Ironic that one meeting with one person could make such a
>difference. 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> Indeed it is, Captain. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> So what happens in the future of THIS universe? 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>In 1997 she releases her album entitled, simply, Love.  It is a
>concept album about what happens after The Ninth Wave, when the
>woman goes to tell the world what she has learned.  It is not
>particularly popular at first, since it is mainly one long
>song, but when she takes it on the road in The Tour Of Life II,
>the world is changed forever.  Later, when contact with the
>Romulans is reached, the album is sent as the first subspace
>message, and The Romulan War never happens and a peace treaty is
>worked out almost immeadiately.  Even the Klingons mellow
>somewhat.  The humans and other races make great leaps and
>become thousands of years advanced from where we are in our
>universe.  Ironically, the only conflict left in the galaxy is
>on Gaffan II, where The Round Uppers often fight The Round
>Downers over whether the 45.5 minute album should be considered
>a 45 or a 46 minute album.  The ritualist flame-thrower-wars can
>be quite messy.  But we don't have time for The Whole Story. 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> Ha, ha.  The Whole Story, that's funny, Jim!  :-) 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> Spock, this is increadible, I've never heard you laugh before! 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> Since I've heard Love, I've realized that you can't be overly
>logical and overly uptight about everything.  Look what's
>happened on Gaffan II!  :-)

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> So, you've heard the album? 

>????@????.com (KIRK:) writes 
>Indeed, we have.  Indeed that is one of the reasons they sent us
>back to meet you.  We have brought with us a high quality sample
>file of the entire album, and we intend to bring it back with us
>in the hope that it will help our universe as much as it helped
>this universe.  Our universe will just get it a few hundred
>years late.  When people understand what has happened, I have
>the feeling that the name Ken SaintJohn will be cursed
>throughout the galaxy.  Ironic that what started out as a minor 
>mission will bring peace to the entire galaxy. 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> But that can't be, I've seen some of the "Star Trek" message
>sections, and they talk about "The Next Generation" in which our
>universe is run by self-righous, uptight morons! 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> I too have seen the information about that show.  I find it
>highly illogical and I think it is very unlikely we will end up
>like that.  I never would have beleived the Romulans in the
>episode "Re-Unification" and everybody knows we've already
>found a cure for baldness.  Captain, the beam-out time is in 20
>seconds. 

>????@????.com (KIRK) writes:
>Okay, Spock.  C'mon McCoy, when we finish playing the album for
>you, we'll show you how to find the Kate Bush symbol hidden on
>the cover.  

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> You know what, Bones? 

>????@????.com (MCCOY) writes:
> What? 

>????@????.com (SPOCK) writes:
> She really is. 


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