Love-Hounds Digest #7.373

[caen!bsbbs!cynthia@harvard.harvard.edu (Cynthia Rosas)]

> henrik@echelon.UUCP (Larry DeLuca) writes:
> 
> > I have had the unique experience of being both physically and psychologically
> > sexually violated in my life (on different occasions, needless to say).  Afte
> > my body healed, I found it considerably easier to get over the physical one,
> > because I could point to a tangible wrong that someone had done me.  It took
> > me a lot longer to figure out I didn't have to sleep with someone because the
> > were pressuring me to and I was lonely.  
> > 
> > Yes, in that situation I let me hurt me.  But those kind of hurts are 
> > still harder to deal with in many ways.
B
> > 
> > Don't assume that because I have a penis that I can't possibly understand
> > the weight of the words I use.  It annoys me.
> > 
> > 					larry...
 Melissa D. Caldwell writes:

> Whether or not you have a penis has nothing to do with the fact that 
> the idea you're expressing is disgusting and sexist.  It's disgusting to 
> me because regardless of your experience, there is no comparison between 
> being forcibly raped and this mythical "psychological force".  
> 
> Since psychological pressure cannot force me to do anything, any pain
> that I may feel as a result of the pressure is due to a weakness in my 
> own character, and not because psychological pressure is so irresistible. 
> If anything, pressure of this sort increases my will to resist.
> We make our own choices.  Claiming that some of these choices are the
> result of psychological force is a way of conveniently avoiding personal 
> responsibility.
> 
> I felt your remarks were sexist because you said that a woman can
> try to deflect a penis headed toward her vagina.   By talking
> specifically about the rape of a woman by a man and then downplaying that 
> as being less harmful than "psychological force", your comments sounded 
> extremely sexist to me.  That sort of statement supports the notion that 
> women would not be raped if they would only resist.  Resistance can be 
> effective, but many times it is not an option.  
> 
> If you don't understand how your remarks might have given me this 
> impression, then perhaps you don't understand the weight of your
> words after all.
> 
 Melissa that was excellently stated, and it didn't even dawn
on me that Larry's remarks were indeed sexist, (though I don't
think he realized why) but you've made a very enlightening
case.   I think you are right on the money!

Larry, I am terribly sorry for what happened to you, I'm sure
that was extremely traumatic and painful.  Nonetheless, on the
point of physical/psychological, I must  say that Melissa has
made a compelling and very well thought out argument.  I
think, that you're remarks, while not intentional, were indeed
sexist, as Melissa, in a very insightful and intelligent
manner, pointed out.  I am a bit taken aback, because
sometimes sexism is so sneaky, so hidden, that we don't even
realize it.  I did not agree with Larry's original assertion,
but when the sexist aspect was brought up, it was like a light
blinked on.  Usually, I'm one of the first ones to see sexism
in the language or attitude of others, even in myself, I hope.
I missed it this time, but it sure was there.  Thanks,
Melissa.


Later,

Cynthia

"Don't torture yourself, Gomez.   That's _my_job."







----
Cynthia Rosas <cynthia@bsbbs.UUCP> <{n8emr|nstar}!bluemoon!bsbbs!cynthia>
The Big Sky BBS (+1 614 864 1198)