Sonic Fucking Youth

[Robert Goldman <rpg%brown.csnet@CSNET-RELAY.ARPA>]

Couldn't agree with you LESS, tom.  I saw S.(F.)Y. in Providence and
didn't last out twenty minutes. . .  This although my previous
exposure (though minimal -- it consisted only of borrowing STARPOWER
ep. from a friend) left me favorably inclined towards them.  but hear
out my story of woe -- maybe it was mostly the club's fault. . .

Stained Rug Theory, Holy Cow, Sonic (Fucking?) Youth/The Living Room,
Last Thursday [You've got the cal program, too, YOU look it up!],
Providence, RI

Short Preface:
It cannot be strongly enough impressed upon the readers that the
Living Room is a wretched hole-in-the-wall practicing feats of false
advertising that would shame the meat packers of Upton Sinclair's THE
JUNGLE. . .

Two irritating samples:
1)  This was an `all ages' show.  For this reason, only people with
valid IDs could get their hands stamped.  This meant, naturally
enough, that only people with valid IDs could buy drinks.  I went with
two people who, although well into the drinking age bracket, do not
drive.  They didn't mind not drinking, and anyway, I was just going to
buy for them.  BUT annoying catch-22, without a hand stamp you
couldn't go out into the parking lot and rest from the club's constant
assault on your good taste.  A simple oversight, I thought, so I went
over to the door and said "look, I wonder if you'd tell the manager to
buy another ink pad, so you can stamp the hands of people who don't
drink."  Now, what was really strange was, it's their POLICY not to
let people without driver's licenses leave and re-enter the club!!!
This is totally annoying because

For some reason, clubs in Providence do not understand the meaning of
the phrase "opening act."  Their opening acts never OPEN -- they get
an equal share of time, vis a vis the headliner.  This, in practice
means they get MORE time than the headliner, because there is a 1:00
A.M. mandatory closing time, and everyone runs over, esp. the local
megalomaniac, no-talent jack-offs (how's this for unpretentious?  sick
of Americans using the phrase wanker? sink your teeth into this one --
provided masturbophobia hasn't suddenly become politically incorrect,
too).

Strained Wall-to-Wall Hypothesis:
Caught these guys `opening' for Eugene Chadbourne once, and decided
they weren't even worth putting on the floor and walking on.  Skipped
this portion of the show (fiasco?).

Holy Cow:
The less said about these guys the better.  Totally unoriginal,
un-haunting rehash of spoken lyric cliches about how it sucks hanging
out in front of the Store 24 and selling dope.  By the end of this
one, I was shouting "MOOO!  MOOOO!  BOOOOO!" and hoping desperately
for a null encore, which mercifully, I was granted.  Couldn't just
suffer through it in the parking lot, because it would have been too
ungallant to say "Sauve qui peut!" to my two companions who were
bitterly ruing their ignorance of the great american automobile.

Sonic F. Youth:
Finally walked on stage at 12:15 for their 45 minute show.  Paying
5.50 to see these guys would have been fine -- paying $10.00 and being
spared the opening act probably would have been better.
Blah.  Incompetents manned the sound board and the speakers were
overloaded.  You couldn't distinguish any lyrics, the guitars were
over-amped to the point where all that came out was loud Sonic Mud.
No discernable rapport with the audience.  "and now we're <mumble,
mumble>" {MORE LOUD MUD HERE}  Sound quality bad enough that one song
could not be distinguished from another.  Maybe you'll say it was the
club's fault, but I think that it's partly a band's responsibility to
ensure that they can be heard, to the best of their ability.

Synopsis:
Sonic Total Washout.

Dyspeptically yours from Providence,

Robert G.