Save the Madonna!

[Jim Hofmann <hofmann@AMSAA.ARPA>]

Reprinted without permission from The Nuclear Times (Nov/Dec)

"Somewhere in Cincinnati there lives a young man, a comatose quadriplegic,
named Given, who is cared for by his sister Jaunita.

"One sumer day in the park a boy walked past Given carrying a cassette 
recorder, which was playing a song by pop star, Madonna.  For the first
time in years, Given became lucid, asking, "What beautiful music is that?"

"The next few days were happy ones for Given and family.  They showered him
with Madonnarabilia, and her album never left the turntable.  Given's health
and mood improved steadily.

"Seventeen days later, Given watched a video cassette of 'The Day After,' and
here the story takes a sad turn.  Fearing that Madonna might be killed or
forced to live in a post-nuclear world like the one portrayed in the film,
Given became seriously depressed.  His condition deteriorated until serveral
months later, he was comatose again.  Given's sister claims that his last words
were, 'Those eyes [Madonna's], must never see nuclear war.' He has not come
out of the coma since.

"In a press release, a spokesman for Juanita, Terrence Ross, tells us that
she has decided to honor her brothers last request.  She has appointed Ross
executive director of a new disarmament group, the Association to Save
Madonna from Nuclear War (ASMNW).  Ross is anxious to discuss the matter
with Madonna herself.  He is publicizing the story because he wants people to
think about nuclear war in different ways.  Everybody is so overwhelmed by
the concept that they cannot deal with it.  This story makes people think
about nuclear war by singling out one unique person, of all creation.  'It's
a newe approach.' Ross admits that one of the  chief reactions so far is
'disbelif, sometimes sardonic humor.'  Juanita has refused to be interviewed
to verify the story."