* * DREAMING * *

A 'Best of' Love-Hounds Collection


E4 - MiskMisk


Humour Pt. 2 [Insiders only]


Back to Dreaming E. MisK


From: martin@kawa.ssl.fujitsu.co.jp (S.C.T. Martin)
Date: 19 Apr 93 03:02:31 GMT
Subject: Chestbursting

On Thu, 24 Jul 86 01:47:02 EDT, Doug Alan said:

A reliable source of rumour says that Kate has just seen the hottest SF thriller of the summer and likes it a lot. Apparently it has inspired her to write a new song, which will be released shortly as a special between-album single. A working version of the lyrics have gotten out; here they are:


I still dream of Aliens.

I wake up crying.

You're making eggs

But you're out of reach

When your cacoon encases me

You're like my tapeworm

That grew in my bowels

What made it special

Made it dangerous

So I flushed it and forget.

Everytime it pains,

You're here in my chest

Like the tapeworm coming out

Oh, I just know that something gross is going to happen

And I don't know when

But just thinking it could even make it happen.

Under the reactor

Wrapped up in this slime

You could see them coming

They looked too small

In their big metal lander

To be a threat to the mother Alien

I flushed my tapeworm when it got too big

I can't flush you down the toilet

Oh God! I can't forget!

Your son's coming out (Ouch!)

Your son's coming out (Agggh!)

Your son's coming out (Aaaghargaglephfftargletoopgaaaaaaggggh!)


OOOOH! I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I can see the promo video now: Set in an abandoned sewage works, initially wearing only white vest and panties KaTe encases herself in a yellow, metal caterpillar before shaving her head and tumbling, redolent of a reclining Buddha, into a vat of raging custard and broken biscuits.

It is a pity that EMI didn't want to release this unusual track, I suppose they felt that because it suggested KaTe was an android that it might have adversely affected any deals they where negotiating with Seilko at the time.

As this doesn't seem to have been released officially anywhere can someone tell me where I might be able to get a bootleg?

I am very sorry. I inadvertently typed "was an android" when I should have typed "had a tapeworm".


Date: Tue, 18 May 93 11:58 MET DST
From: uli@zoodle.robin.de (Ulrich Grepel)
Subject: Re: No new Kate this year- Here's why


(Note: I did not invent this; I forgot who did [Stev0 --WIE])

I didn't invent the name, but some of the calculation. Last discussion of this sort was started by IED, I think.

> Not counting The Kick Inside (since it was her first) or Lionheart (generally a good idea, anyway), look:

> Never For Ever - 1980

> The Dreaming - 1982 (two year wait)

> Hounds of Love - 1985 (three year wait)

> Sensual World - 1989 (four year wait)

It's possible to do it better (including TKI and LH, why should they not count?):

TKI '78

0 years: LH '78

1 year paused due to Tour of Life '79, thus this year doesn't count

1 year: NFE '80

2 years: TD '82

3 years: HOL '85

TWS ('86) doesn't count as a normal album

4 years: TSW '89

5 years: KT-7 '94 (see?)

6 years: KT-8 '00 (yuck! only one more album in this millenia... :-( )

I heard that Prince is going to pause for five years from now on. The Prince fan who told me that said that this would be an opportunity to complete his collection. Do we all have complete colleKTions?

To fulfill his contract with Warner Prince is going to take some songs every year. He doesn't have any problems with that since he has about 500 songs completely ready to release. There won't be tours, of course. Only problem with the stock of 500 songs is that the stuff might be out-of-date in some years. Maybe KaTe has the same so that her heirs in some hundred years are able to earn money with 'fresh, previously unreleased KaTe-stuff'. Let's see:

500 songs are with 12 songs/album + 8 bsides/album about 25 albums plus accompanying singles. I'll stop with album KT-31...

7 years: KT-9 2007

8 years: KT-10 '15

9 years: KT-11 '24

10 years: KT-12 '34

11 years: KT-13 '45

12 years: KT-14 '57

13 years: KT-15 '70 (gee! then I am 102 years old!)

14 years: KT-16 '84

15 years: KT-17 '99

16 years: KT-18 2115

17 years: KT-19 '32

18 years: KT-20 '50

19 years: KT-21 '69 (just reached my year 201)

20 years: KT-22 '89

21 years: KT-23 2210

22 years: KT-24 '32

23 years: KT-25 '55

24 years: KT-26 '79

25 years: KT-27 2304

26 years: KT-28 '30

27 years: KT-29 '57

28 years: KT-30 '85 (KT-30 is just 400 years after KT-5)

29 years: KT-31 2414 (now I am 446 years old...)

Probably KaTe's grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand- grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-children are born then, but these 18 generations statistically would be about 2^18 or 262144 people (not counting inbreedings etc.). If every one of them just buys 1 copy of the latest album, it's almost immediately gold.

Bye, Uli


Date: Wed, 9 Jun 93 12:55:33 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Stev0's balls (of crystal)

Hi -

Gazing into my crystal ball, here is what I see in the not-so-near future.

Sept 15, 93 - Announced release date for Kate's new album, "Smell the Glove".

Sept 16, 93 - Kate announces that she needs to "polish up" the album a bit more.

Dec 1, 93 - Album is finished, now titled "My Life as a Kickboxer"

Dec 2. 93 - Columbia announces it won't release Kate's new album yet so it "Won't get lost in the Christmas Rush".

Jan 14 94 - The first single from the new album (Now called "Electric Youth") is released, "Skankin' with the Devil", a trio with Kate, Pato Banton, and Ozzy Osbourne.

Feb 1 94 - The Album is finally released, called "Thank you Very Much". When asked, Kate says "Thank you very much for asking. I named it after a representative from Columbia asked me what I wanted to call it. He just wrote down the first thing I said. It was very nice of you to ask. Thank you."

Feb 2 94 - Jon Drukman posts to rec.music.gaffa saying "The new album sucks. It needs more drum machines." Flamewar ensues which lasts until the year 1997.

Feb 7 94 - Album reaches No. 1 on NME and Melody Maker charts

Feb 9 94 - A tour is announced. Gaffans have mass oragm.

Feb 10 94 - Rumor of tour found to be false.

Feb 14 94 - Second single is released, a poetry piece by John C. Bush, "Ode to a Small Lump of Putty I found in my Armpit One Midsummer's Morn".

Feb 19 94 - Happy Rhodes scores a number one single on Billboard with a remake of "In the Year 2525".

Feb 21 94 - A tour is announced. Gaffans have mass orgasm.

Feb 22 94 - Rumor of tour found to be false. (this happens again on Mar 12, April 3, April 5, and May 17th).

Feb 27 94 - "Thank You Very Much" peaks at 97 on the Billboard album chart.

Jun 30 94 - Overzelous KateFans get carried away at Kate Konvention in Hawaii when they sacrifice Jorn in a volcano.

- Stev0 the Psychic

"Thank you very very VERY very much!"

Kate's response to Grammy nomination for her album to be released next year.


Date: Tue, 22 Jun 93 14:59:07 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: The Wizard of Speed and Time

Hi -

While everyone here is arguing whether Prince is an egotistical hack or an egotistical hack with a very talented little finger, we're missing an important point: The end of the Kate Equation (discussed here a few of weeks ago), where K = year of new Kate album, and l(n) = the number of years between the last album, then K = l(n)+1.

If the new album is released next year, then the equation still stands. If released this year, we have two theories about what could happen:

The Maximized Entropy Theory:

Kate has decided that four years is the ideal length between albums; every album will come out every four years (calculating the release dates of the next 10 albums, with this theory, is trivial).

The Stephen Hawking Theory:

In "A Brief History of Time", Stephen Hawking said the Universe will expand to a finite size, then eventually contract to the size of the singularity of the original "Big Bang", hinting it would start again ad infinitum. Kate said she admired Stephen Hawking, and is maybe using this theory to schedule her next release dates: i.e., the next album will be out in 3 years, then 2, THEN A TOUR!!, then a two-year delay, then TWO ALBUMS IN ONE YEAR, then ANOTHER TOUR! I'll let those more mathematically insane than myself to calculate: A) The release dates of the next 25 albums, and B) The years Kate will tour between now and her 65th birthday.

- Stev0 the wizard

"I only chose Prince to be on my next album because Milli Vanilli weren't returning my calls." - The part edited out of Kate's Aspel interview


Date: Wed, 14 Jul 93 12:54:22 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: The Jorn 'n' Chris Rockem Sockem Robots

Wheee! A flame war that actually takes the "lame" out of "flame"! The two KateKops are (finally) at it! For those just tuning in, Chris's standard Modus Operandi with his enemy-of-the-week is to pull out his resume, showing he is a MUCH BETTER KateFan (tm) than YOU, how He was a fan since she was BORN, and personally introduced Kate Bush to David Gilmore.

Jorn, on the other hand, is suffering feelings of a past life of his as a High Priest of Atlantis. If his pouting doesn't work (and usually it doesn't), he'll just give up and throw a bad ASCII graphic at everyone.

Seriously, in this case, it seems like Chris is the "Good Guy". Hey, if he doesn't have the equipment, he can't make a copy. What's so hard about that to understand? Now, Chris questions why Jorn would want a copy of the videotape when he doesn't even have a VCR or TV. Well, as we all know, Jorn can just "read the vibes" directly from the tape - he doesn't NEED a VCR! (He CAN'T do it with a Laserdisk, though!)

Finally, although I agree with Chris in this one instance, wouldn't it be GREAT to see Vickie post to the public, "Chris, you're being an idiot, <insert name of enemy-of-the-week> is right." just once? Also, wouldn't it be great if just once, Jon Drukman posted, "<Enemy-of-the-week>, you're being an idiot, Chris is right."?

- Stev0 the ex-badboy of Lovehounds

"Do give up, You don't have friends" - Peter & Kate singing to Jorn


Date: Thu, 29 Jul 93 15:11:50 PDT
From: jdrukman%dlsun87@us.oracle.com (Jon Drukman)
Subject: Re: An r.m.g peace-plan for Kate, on her 35th

Jorn Barger does something for which a word has yet to be invented:

>It's not even *that* much to ask: just, suppose we all agree to police ourselves to the extent of *labelling our flames* in our Subjectlines as "FLAME", so that one simple killfile entry will serve for all time, to spare the Tenderhearted from the Terrible? { :^)

No fucking way.

This madness must end.

Stev0 and I are coming to the Chicago Katemas party, and we're bringing guns.

OK, for all of you who are saying to yourselves, "yeah, he'd do it." - forget it. I'm not really like that (although Stev0 might be).

Anyway, seriously, for just a microsecond:

I'm not going to label my posts! Not for all the rice wine in china. (Why do I feel that this is going to explode into one of those PMRC type campaigns?) Besides, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'll let you in on a little secret: you can always assume that anything with my name attached to it is going to be sarcastic at best and wildly inflammatory at worst. My name in the From: line is all the labelling you should need.

Maybe I'll adopt a rating system styled after the hugely successful MPAA one...

G - safe for all katefans. not even one harsh word.

PG - uses sarcasm, possibly irony, and maybe even a little denigration

PG13 - basically the same as PG, but might include some frontal nudity

R - massive sarcasm & irony, harsh analogies, deprecating language, all out insults and 4 out of 7 words that you Can't Say On TV. possibly involves comparing someone to a nazi.

NC17 - only IED & |>oug could handle this level of intensity. just killfile it instantly.

--Jon Drukman


From: dfleenor@nettech.com (super dave?)
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1993 11:06:09 -0500 (EDT)
Subject: Kate, of course!

There's been some talk on the net recently about Tori Amos. I agree, Tori is great, but here is my top ten list of reasons why Kate is better:

Top Ten Reasons Why Kate Bush Is Better Than Tori Amos

10) Kate has four different album covers for one album (TKI).

9) Kate is a major babe.

8) Kate has done only one major tour back in 1979 that was so outstanding that she's never needed to do another one.

7) Her albums are so good that she only needs to put one out every four years (which is about how long it takes to read between the lines of the lyrics and interpret them to their fullest).

6) Kate has an English accent.

5) Kate has a certain mystique about her which comes from not seeing or hearing anything from her for years at a time (see #7).

4) Only Kate could do a reggae version of Rocket Man and make it sound good.

3) She knows David Gilmour.

2) Kate sings moving, beautiful songs (with the exception of "Violin").

1) Moments of Pleasure is Kate's best song so far this decade. I predict her new album will be awesome!


From: nessus@media.mit.edu (Douglas Alan)
Date: Fri, 30 Jul 1993 19:14:59 GMT
Subject: Re: The Dreaming

SHAWN@parasit.lan.mcgill.ca writes:

> I must disagree with those of you who consider "The Dreaming" to be Kate's best album. I am a true Katefan who is not afraid to say that after listening to this album many, many, many times, I am still not hooked.

It is sad to see someone stray from the one true path of salvation. If you would only let *The Dreaming* into your heart, you could have eternal life. When you died, your soul would go East Wickham Farm, and you would forever bask the eternal love of KaTe and experimental music. But you have let the Madonna tempt you. Your soul is on a treacherous path, and if you do not turn, you will be forever damned to the the land of Fire and Top-40, where you will spend an eternity listening to Madonna. Repent, sinner, repent!



Date: Tue, 24 Aug 93 02:51 CDT
From: chrisw@fciad2.bsd.uchicago.edu (chris williams)
Subject: Re: Who is Del Palmer?

You write: Chris Williams writes:

>> Kate's (for lack of a better word, and *no* I will *not* say "Significant Other," that disgusting Yuppie phrase) boyfriend.

>Should this be ex-boyfriend? I thought I read in this group some months ago that they had a parting of ways.

No, don't recall any news like that. That would have been fairly momentous. Beside, if Kate *had* dumped Del, a large portion of the male (and some of the female) love-hounds population would be in England now. Jon Drukman would be lurking around her door, begging to re-mix the album...


Date: Thu, 9 Sep 93 12:58:44 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Eat me!

Comparing singers to Kate: I think EVERY singer should be compared to Kate. After all, Kate is the ultimate in music, sheer perfection. Therefore, a good unit of musical ability can be the "Milikate". Mozart would be, say 950 millikates. Tori Amos is 500 milikates. Madonna is 5 milikates. Michael Bolton is -750 milikates. (Perhaps one should adopt a "Milibolton" as a unit of mediocrity).

- Stev0 the 1000 milistev0s


Date: Wed, 17 Nov 93 10:47:17 PST
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: The Red Shoe on the Other Foot

Hi, a couple of discussions goin' round here.

The first I won't even dignify by taking sides, to whit, those who think TRS is the best album since TSW vs. those who have no idea what they are talking about.

The second, however, is the kind of stuff I live for.

For those relatively new here, Jon Drukman's modus operendi is posting about once a month or so a hilarious scathing rant against Vickie, who in turn replies by acting like the Margaret Dumont of Gaffa.

Now, Vickie posts a very funny post, using my preferred technique of scatter-shot take-no-prisoners attitude, aiming many accurate barbs against the Drukman Contingent (Hmm, "The Drukman Contingent." Good band name.) Now, our own Drukkie whines, showing he can dish it out but can't take it.

Don't worry, Jon, you're STILL several hundred points ahead in the Jon vs. Vickie eternal battle. You just happend to lose this one.

- Stev0 the referee


From: David.Vinson@lambada.oit.unc.edu (david eugene vinson)
Date: 7 Jan 1994 22:30:08 GMT
Subject: Pinch me if I'm dreaming...

Can anybody out there confirm my existence? Uli doesn't believe in me, but I could swear that I have been around since the end of October. Have there been any confirmed sightings of me during that time? I want to live!!!!


Date: Sat, 26 Mar 94 17:20 CST
From: chrisw@fciad2.bsd.uchicago.edu (chris williams)
Subject: Re: Concert Schedule

Carol-Alyce Smith writes: >Does anyone know Kate's concert schedule for 1994? Is there any chance that she may come to Israel (or anywhere near Israel) this year?

Here's Kate's 1994 concert schedule, as requested:

May 8th, 1994 - Kate appears at the convention and just before leaving announces that "if everything goes well, we are considering doing several dates." This is greeted by thunderous applause and cheering.

Late May - Kate leaves for a well deserved vacation following the stress of extensive promotion of _The Red Shoes_.

Early June - Kate notices that her garden has gone a bit to seed during her vacation and spends the next month getting everything back into shape.

July through August - Kate's brother Jay makes a few discreet phone calls to promoters in England, Europe, and North America. Promoters leak word of impending concerts to friends in radio and publishing.

September - Concert plans put on hold, as most of the halls are not available on such short notice. The earliest possible dates would put the concerts in the US and Canada in January. *Nobody* goes to Winnipeg in January. Decision is made to pursue spring 1995 tour.

October through January - Kate has been working on a few song ideas in her home studio, and becomes convinced that she can complete a new album in the next few months.

March 1995 - It becomes painfully obvious that the album will not be ready for at least another year. Tour plans are not mentioned again.

September 1999 - Kate new album is finally released.


Date: Mon, 25 Apr 94 18:06:07 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Jorn and The FAQ

For you new folks just joining us, or for those who forgot, I have to defend Jorn here. He did indeed write the entire FAQ. He's being modest, so I should also remind you that he wrote "Finnigan's Wake", most of the plays most people mistakinly attribute to Shakespeare, the entire body of works one "Thomas Pynchon" stole from him, and several bits of The New Testament. What a certain devious Mr. Ron Hill did was take the FAQ Jorn wrote, re-wrote it ever so slightly, got into a time machine, went back in time, and posted it MONTHS before Jorn had a chance to, thus making it look like Mr. Hill wrote it. I'm just glad I could clear that up, and Uli, you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to make the Kate Kommunity a better place to live without consulting Jorn (who, after all, wrote the words and music to the entire albums of "The Dreaming" and "Hounds of Love", but let Kate say she did it) first!

- Stev0 the protector of Truth, Justice, and the Discordian Way

"Today, Lovehounds, Tomorrow, The World!" - Emperor Jorn


Date: Thu, 30 Jun 94 18:22:38 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Y Kant Kate Tour

ME313@ist2.co.umist.ac.uk> writes:

>> Hi! Can anyone tell me why Kate is not planning to tour this year?

>No, but the reason is probably the same reason she hasn't toured in the following years: 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988,
>1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, and 1993.

A-Ha! You're assuming she had the same reason each year. No, culled from past interviews, here are the reasons she gave for not touring in the above years:

1981: Tarot advisor said not to leave bedroom

1982: Spent year dead for tax purposes

1983: Agorophobia

1984: Developed proof of Fermat's last theorem

1985: Paddy superglued her to chair as practical joke

1986: Was going to tour until someone explained that yes, she had to let the audience in.

1987: Did tour, but not in this dimension

1988: Did tour, but as backup singer for Spinal Tap

1989: Said would only tour "After I solve this goddamn Rubick's Cube".

1990: Developed rock opera based on a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball player. Got all depressed when told someone else did that first.

1991: Did tour, but only in living room in front of family.

1992: Spent entire year re-reading old "Flaming Carrot" comics.

1993: Vowed to see every film starring Harvey Keitel or Anthony Hopkins

1994: When asked if she'll tour, answered, "Oh, I didn't realize Hell froze over yet."

- Stev0 the Ticket Master

"What? I already did a tour this century! What more do you want?" - KTB


Date: Tue, 9 Aug 94 17:07:42 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Kate Sells Out!

According to an article I just read in AdWeek, the Fruitopia is just the first of many advertisements we'll see with Kate. Look for in the near future:

10. Moving - with U-Haul

9. Silicon Graphics - This Woman's Workstation

8. Airwick's Night-Scented Stock

7. Running up that Hill with Nike

6. Jenny Craig - for Them Heavy People

5. All we ever look for... great taste in a Lite beer!

4. In Search of Peter Pan Peanut Butter

3. The Handsome Cabin Boy wore Khakis

2. Dr. Scholl's Red Shoe Pads

1. Del Palmer *IS* The Zima Guy!

Thank you, good night, and don't drive too slowly!

- Stev0 the word, the plan

"Hey, look! There's a fiver!"


Date: Fri, 26 Aug 94 10:42:22 PDT
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: The Clones of Love

Yes! Yes! Thanks to IED, I have finally SEEN THE LIGHT! Tori really *IS* just a Klone of Kate. However, IED, the ever-diplomatic, neglected to include these other IMPORTANT CLUES:


o Kate often uses the word "The". So does Tori.

o Kate uses nouns, verbs, *AND* adjectives. So does Tori.


o Kate uses both major AND minor chords. So does Tori.

o Kate has been known to use 4/4 timing. So has Tori.


o Kate is a carbon-based life-form. So is Tori.

o Kate is bilaterally symetrical. So is Tori.

And here's the most important clue:

o Kate has X-X Chromosones. SO DOES TORI!

Ah, this is all too simple! Next week, we prove IED is really Francis Bacon.

- Stev0 the Illuminatus


Date: Tue, 20 Dec 94 17:49:08 PST
From: steve.b@TQS.COM (Steve Berlin)
Subject: Angels on a pinhead

Kenneth R Brownfield sez:
>PS: Four angels fit on a pinhead. One if it's Kate.

I'm confused. Do you mean "One, if the angel is Kate", or "One, if the pinhead is Kate"?

- Stev0 the microcephelic

"Everybody out of the gene pool!" - Zippy


Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 10:09 CDT
Subject: Re: Gaffa Tape

Robb says:
>Do you ever get the feeling that if she ever hopped onto the net, Kate herself would get a really good chuckle? Or perhaps even be suspended in guffaws?

<Kate logs in - sees 'you have new mail' message>

Kate: I have mail, oh goody! Let's see here.....

One from Sony -

Where's the new record? Why it's in my head! You'll get it when I'm bloody well ready.....

Love Hounds Digest #11.77. Wonder what the Hounds are up to?

< Starts reading>

What do I eat? How rude! <Types> M A R M I T E P I Z Z A

This'll keep 'em busy for a while! Chew on this!

< Reads on>

Not 'Gaffa' again! 13 years and they still don't get it......


Date: 01 Jun 95 11:55:22 EDT
From: Ronald.Girardin@Dartmouth.EDU (Ronald Girardin)
Subject: Re: When again???

Anuj Vaidya wrote: Hi there Hounders, Anyone one have any news as to what Kate's next project is... when her next album is due... and the likes...

Please do let me know ; )


--- end of quoted material ---

what? already?!

....but...but....it hasn't been 4 years since the last project!!!! ;-)

You do know that she has to fit studio time in between her world tour....and that's not easy...

BTW, I just got the dates for her "I'M BACK" world tour:

June 31 New Guinea

Sept 31 Greenland

November 31 Easter Island

February 30-31 Earls Court, London

I've read that her show will dwarf ANYTHING Pink Floyd has ever done....COMBINED!

See you all at the shows!!!!!

peace ron


Date: Thu, 1 Jun 1995 11:52:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Karen L. Newcombe" <kln@crl.com>
Subject: New Album?

Well, since you ask, Kate's new album comes out next week, of course. She will follow this with a gala world tour of only small venues so she can be close to her fans, and in fact, she plans to visit each Katemas party held in her honor this year. How? She's gotten a few tricks from Santa Claus and will pop down your chimney with a bag full of CD singles, all signed.

What? No chimney? You still have time to move before July 30th!

Karen kln@crl.com flights of fancy


Date: Mon, 31 Jul 1995 00:24:50 -0700
From: stev0@zuni.chaco.com (stev0)
Subject: All Tomorrow's Parties


- Stev0 the Hollywood Reporter

"How do you cope with interviews in countries where they don't speak English?"

"I've learned to say "Wonderful", "Fantastic", and "Marvelous" in 37 different languages."

- "Kate", in interview with Faith Brown


Date: Fri, 06 Oct 1995 10:29:58 -0100
From: Wieland Willker <willker@chemie.uni-bremen.de>
Subject: Who is Kate?

Dear Simon,

calling Kate Bush an extrovert is completely nonsense, sorry. You can't deduce this from songtitles.

> Kate basically writes about ANYTHING & EVERYTHING!!!!

Yes, but because she CAN do so, not because she's an extrovert!

Would you like to know the truth?

The scientific proven fact is, that Amos makes sure, you know what an extraordinary person she is, while Kate is not a person at all, but a more advanced life form pretending to be human to spare your feelings.

We haven't figured out so far, what HER real nature is, but it's definetely not purely human. I don't know the whole story, but in the late 70s the FBI was involved in this, it's still top secret, but it resulted in Kate's somewhat mysterious seclusion and concealment.

This is all I know about it. I got this information from a doctor in England, who was involved in some tomography imaging experiments on Kate's body during this investigation. Her astrocytes were completely different in shape and metabolism compared to normal human brain cells. She also had a very strange kind of microglia. He mentioned several other things, I have forgotten.

You want alchemy?

WIE (IED-Germany)


Date: Fri, 6 Oct 1995 16:18:09 -0500
From: cbullard@HiWAAY.net (Len Bullard)
Subject: Who Is Kate

[ Wieland Willker]

>... while Kate is not a person at all, but a more advanced life form pretending to be human to spare your feelings. We haven't figured out so far, what HER real nature is, but it's definetely not purely human. I don't know the whole story...

GAD! That's not supposed to be general knowledge. The Rigellians hunt down anyone with that knowledge unless the Princess (uhh, the Queen now), forbids it. I got the story from one Sylvester Krupnick, late of Boise, now on the run from the Feds and the Kregar, agents of the Sklegnar Overlord. After the incident at Oxfordshire, Krupnick spent some time in DC hanging out around the Wall and living in the bushes of the park. I met him late one night and he told me the whole story about the thwarted invasion by the jello beings. Seems Krupnick started the dammed thing when he insulted a money droid in Boise. The Sklegnar thought it was an important communications device, holy to the humans, because they all got the little green papers with the images of their gods on it there. When Krupnick told it to "Piss off", the Sklegnar shipWeb interpreted that as "Become warm runny water" which, as you know, to a jello being is a pretty rude insult. That started the invasion that the Talosian Princess and her exiled followers stopped at Oxfordshire... for now.

SHHH! The bowls have ears. And please don't tell them her true name or true form if you know it. Only The Teacher may reveal the history of the royal family, and then only if the Princess has taught it this. The return to the homeworld depends on the stealth of the family and the Kregar have instructions to capture her at any cost. The stiletto heels only work in elevators at close range. Spare feelings? If her guardian, the Koton, finds out about this (and there is dammed little she doesn't see on the Internet), you will vanish! SHHH!



From: Kate Bush <kate@novercia.uk>
Subject: Hi love-hounds!
Date: 8 Oct 1995 14:21:11 GMT

Organization: Novercia Ltd.

Just wanted to see, how this looks.

Any heart-stops?


From: undrtoad@ix.netcom.com (P. Dale Campbell )
Date: 9 Oct 1995 02:39:07 GMT
Subject: Re: Hi love-hounds!

Kate Bush writes:

> Just wanted to see, how this looks.

> Any heart-stops?

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen..."


Date: Mon, 9 Oct 1995 14:43:23 -0400 (EDT)
From: Britta Cromwell <midnight@iglou.com>
Subject: My Vote

First I know I am gullible, But was that Kate Yesterday that said hi??


From: IEDSRI@aol.com
Date: Wed, 11 Oct 1995 04:38:27 -0400
Subject: Katenames, etc.

By the way, Banshee, your puzzlement about that sly posting from "Kate Bush@Novercia.uk" is perfectly understandable. IED will admit that his frail, phosphorous heart did some skipping, too, for a moment -- then turned black as night in contemplation of the entity responsible for the fraud...

-- Andrew Marvick (IED)


From: Norman Buchwald <jbuchwald@csun.edu>
Date: 17 Oct 1995 19:44:44 GMT
Subject: Kate?

P.S.: Just in case that was you, Kate, who chose to put in a temporary post with that artificial address. (Even creating a joke in your own vain. I can see that. We deserve to be teased once in awhile.) You are my favorite artist. You made a difference in my writing. You make me see the world anew after I hear your songs, your albums.

Well, why not? I can dream, can't I? My heart did stop and it's pounding ever since, regardless. I don't mind the joke because I like to dream. (So I thank you, practical joker. And I don't see why some feel they have to "hunt" for you, the likely imposter! (It's in the trees/It's coming!):) That may make me gullible, but I've been cynical too long. What's wrong with being a little gullible, once in awhile?)

"When the sailors saw "the joke" they all did stand and stare . . ."


Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995 19:16:10 -0800
From: stev0@zuni.chaco.com (stev0)
Subject: Pot, kettle, black...

Puh-leeeeze! This is a *KATE ONLY* mailing list! Anyone mentioning any other artist other than KATE shall be SHOT ON SIGHT by our self-appointed BAILIFF, "Kateknight"...er.... uh...nevermind...

- Stev0 the only mildly sarcastic

"Dogbert, I don't understand why you, or anybody, would become a vegetarian."

- Dilbert

"You mean, why don't I take dead animals, cook them until they become carcinogenic, then eat them instead of something nutritious? Is that your question?"

- Dogbert

On to Kate and Kids

written by Love-Hounds
compiled and edited
Wieland Willker
Sept 1995 June 1996