Horror Movie Survival Guide

[kln@a.crl.com (Karen Newcombe)]

Hi Love Dogs, someone sent this to me and I thought everyone would get a
kick out of it.

Karen  kln@a.crl.com


>                HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
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>>    * When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check
>>      to see if it's really dead.
>>    * If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was
>>      once a church that was used for black masses, had previous
>>      inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
>>      horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or
>>      satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
>>    * Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
>>    * Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone
>>      out.
>>    * If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
>>      which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice
>>      which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will
>>      save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably
>>      take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
>>    * When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it
>>      alone.
>>    * As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
>>    * Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a
>>      grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
>>    * If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find
>>      out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you
>>      value your life.*
>>    * If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
>>    * Do not take *anything* from the dead.
>>    * If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a
>>      reason. Take the hint and stay away.
>>    * Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
>>      know what you are doing.
>>    * If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
>>      at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also
>>      note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster
>>      is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch
>>      up with you.
>>    * If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
>>      behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
>>      increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
>>      possible.
>>    * Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
>>      listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God
>>      help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
>>      small town in Maine.
>>    * If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
>>      deserted-looking house to phone for help.
>>    * Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns,
>>      hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
>>      butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made
>>      from deceased companions.
>>    * Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the
>>      audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you
>>      could ever hope to be.
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Karen    kln@a.crl.com    Kimiad@aol.com

Oooh find me the man with the ladder
And he might lift me up to the stars