An apology (*NO* flames, honest)

[katefans@chinet.chi.il.us (Chris n Vickie)]

Vickie here. It's a vicious circle. I get mad, shoot off at the mouth,
and then apologise for my own rudeness while blasting the rudeness of
others. I finally realized that it makes no sense. I said it a few days
ago and I'll say it again...you won't be seeing any more posts like the
last blast at Richard (though not all of it was directed at him alone,
my phrase "your kind" indicated that) and therefore, you won't be seeing 
any more apologies like this one.

It's very odd. In one group (gaffa) I'm considered a "character" who is
bad-tempered and mouthy, and in another group (ecto) I'm the warm, 
friendly, loving, "Ecto-mom" who has never uttered a flame. Well, very
rarely, a tiny glowing ember here and there, but generally I'm very
perky and wordy and friendly. What's wrong with this picture? I know.

On gaffa, a group that I love and am greatful for, I've let a few people
get under my skin. I let my bad (but almost always dormant) temper show,
and, since I an a lousy arguer, end up looking like a shrew. I don't 
apoligise for my opinions (which haven't changed in the slightest) but
rather for my methods of flamage. My blood pressure can't take it, neither
can my peace of mind. Therefore, I have put the BS-BBS folks into a mental
KILL file, along with a few others, so I won't even know when they are
being rude, or saying something *I* might perceive to be rude.

I've read Richard's response to my blast, and I could answer it, apologising
for some of the things I said, standing up for others, but I really don't
feel like it. I'm not running away from it, I really just want to spare
Love-Hounds from an on-going, ever-ending, flame war. It's pretty obvious
that Richard and I will never agree on many things, and so why not just
leave it at that. It's pretty obvious that I don't particularly like
Richard or Melissa and they don't think much of me either. Strangely
enough, I do like many things about Cynthia and Jon Drukman, even though
both have pissed me off enormously in the past, and probably will again
if I let myself get angry. I will *not* let myself. I'm much more
comfortable and peaceful in the Ecto-mom-type role than in the shrew role.

Gaffa is a wonderful thing. Ecto is a wonderful thing. Warmroom *can* be
a wonderful thing once it really gets going, and I fully expect that it
*will* be a wonderful thing. Personally, I'll keep ecto as a home base,
but I'll also be reading, and occasionally posting, to gaffa and warmroom.
I have no bitterness toward rec.music.gaffa/Love-Hounds because I know
there are many fine and good people out there, and my personality conflicts
with a few people shouldn't sour me on the entire group. It won't.

So anyway, I'm rambling in an attempt to free myself of the bad feelings
I've had, and that I myself have generated, in order that I may once
again enjoy this group the way I used to. I owe gaffa a *LOT* and I am
truly greatful that it exists. 

Peace, honestly, deeply and sincerely....is what I want and I'll keep my
temper and mouth in check from now on. 

Vickie Ann Mapes

"There comes a point where you have to soothe yourself"  HTR   
"This little girl inside is retreating to her favorite place"  KB
"I'm bound by the beauty"  JS