No Subject

lifts his head and searchlights which are kept parallel with his eye motion 
are turned on the audience.

Moderator [screaming]:  ASSWIPES!!!  HOW DARE YOU INVADE THIS HOLY SANCTUM!!
GET OUT _ ALL YOU BLOODSUCKERS, VAMPYRES, PROSTITUTES, EVIL_DOERS, PIMPS
BUSINESSMEN, DRUGGIES, FAGGOTS, NAZIS, JEWS, ARABS, PUNKS, SKINHEADS {moderator
should adlib as many labels and monikers he can think of based on the audience 
or at least until he is tired of doing so}.  GET OUT!!! THIS IS HOLY GROUND!!! 
THIS IS THE SACRED PART OF THE UNIVERSE WHERE THE HOLY STORY OF THE CREATION'S 
GREATEST PSYCHEDELIC ROCK BAND IS PERFORMED DAILY!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!! HOW 
FUCKING DARE YOU!!!!!  THESE MEN BELOW ME ARE [voice drops to a whisper] fucking
gods, man.  You?  YOU!! [louder]  YOU!!?!?!  YOU'RE DIRT, YOU'RE SHIT, YOU'RE
PISS, YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU ARE SPIT!!!!!!!  LEAVE NOW ... cause this is
history, ma-a-a-an .  THIS  IS    THE    STORY     OF ................

[at this point Big Ben starts chiming - loud]

PINK FLOYD ....  PINK FLOYD ... PINK FLOYD ... PINK FLOYD .... PINK FLOYD...

[when Pink Floyd is spoken, the Critics moon the audience, on their respective
asses are written the two words - Pink Floyd - they wiggle their butts
furiously until the end of the prologue]

[the Moderator is directed to only stop saying those two words, louder and 
louder until the audience gets pissed and threatens violence.]

[Then all goes fucking black (doesn't it always?]


ACT ONE
-------
[During this act - the album titled Meddle is played at 45 RPM, very loudly,
obscuring most of what the moderator says, this annoys the Moderator immensely]

[The moderator still randomly swings from wires as the lights come up.  The 
stage is to be starkly lit. On either side are oversized stereo speakers which 
are wired into the sofa (which faces the back).  In the left corner of the
stage is a small closet sized room with a hole in the back and a sign
hanging from it that says "SYD'S ROOM" - this box also serves earlier
as the fan's coffin.  Inside Syd's Room is a hook with a leather jacket hanging
from it.  Through the hole in the back shines a bright, intense light.
Syd (a bozo punching bag) is inside the room, fully inflated.  On a
couch in the center of the stage facing away from the audience sits the
Drummer and the Organist.  They appear to be passing a joint.  On the
Left Stage Back is Gilmour with headphones and a guitar in his hand
jamming away (making no noise of course) oblivious to the rest of the
stage.  Waters is obviously tripping on acid and keeps running to a mirror
to check his look and primp.  He does lots of weird things which are left
to the discretion of the actor.  The Critics look lean and hungry.  On their
respective asses are the two dates, 1966 and 1972. They run around picking up
the Fan who falls down by himself or with an occasional kick from Waters.
In solemn droning tones the Moderator recites the Rolling Stone Guide to
Rock and Roll history of Pink Floyd up to 1972.  There appears to be a 
wire running from Syd's room to the couch and Waters keeps tripping over
it and trys to figure out where it comes from.  Eventually, he follows it
and by the end of the first act he is positioned next to Syds' Room and
peeks in.  He falls back blinded by the light.]

Act Two
-------
[Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here are played at 90 RPM]

[The Moderator is still droning on from the Rolling Stone R&R Guide. The
Critics how have 1972 and 1979 written on their exposed asses. They are
much fatter and happier as they go about their task (with a self-important
air of course) of picking up the fan and pointing him in the right direction.
They do alot of running around in meaningless circles.  Roger Waters gets
up (he is no longer tripping) and tries to find his way back to Syd's Room.
The light in the room is much dimmer and Waters notices the Leather Jacket.
By the middle of the act, he has succeeded in pulling Syd (with much effort)
out of the room.  He is hampered by the chain tied to Gilmour
(who also walks around in circles) and his constant runs back to the mirror.
He also is kicking and spitting on the Fan and the Critics. After Waters
succeeds in pulling Syd to Center Stage, he takes a feather quill pen and
draws an X on Syd's forehead.  He then goes about the task of writing music,
occasionally dipping his pen into the X and simultaneously squeezing air
out of Syd.  The Moderator is disgusted at the whole scene and his sneering
and frantic attempts to free himself are to no avail.  The Drummer and
The Organist spend the act face away from the audience squeezing imaginary
groupie tittie, snorting imaginary coke, shooting up imaginary heroin,
smoking imaginary joint. When the music ends the act ends.]

Act 3
------
[In the background The Wall is played at incredible speed as well as the
Final Cut sounding just like a indistinguishable drone]

[The Moderator is still reciting from the RS R&R guide - however he thrashes
wildly trying to free himself.  Waters succeeds in squeezing the last amount
of air out of Syd by the middle of the act.  When he is finished he picks the
doll up and throws it back into Syd's Room.  It lies there in a heap.  Waters
looks at Syd's leather jacket, touches it and draws back as if horrified.  In
response to this shock, he turns and spits on the Fan.  The Fan doesn't
wipe the spittle away but the Critics (who are now drooling, fanged, monster-
ghouls) rush to his aid.  On their asses we see 1979 and ??.  Waters kicks
them.  On the sofa, all we see are the drummers legs sticking out, thrashing
about wildly.  On the left side of the stage, Gilmour eventually stops and
looks accusingly at Waters (after he kicks the critics).  He raises his
finger, points at Waters, who shrinks back in mock horror, laughs and
pulls the chain causing Gilmour to fall to the stage.  Waters, taking him
for dead throws the chain against the sofa in disgust.  During the rest of
the act, Gilmour crawls slowly from stage left to stage right and disappears
off into the right wings.  Waters and the rest remain oblivious to this.

Waters, after throwing down the chain runs to the mirror, and now, not liking
what he sees, takes a rock and smashes it.  He now tries to run away but
the cord he has tied onto himself (Syd's cord) prevents him from leaving.
Dejectedly, he walks back careful to spit on the Fan (the Critics rush to
wipe it off).  He snaps his fingers and stagehands instantly deliver him a
TV.  He watches for a while, flips the channels and then stares in real
horror.  He positions the TV so the audience can see that it is in fact
a mirror. He retrieves the rock and smashes the mirror.  He is now over-
acting (and is hopefully soliciting boos from the audience) as he pretends to
be sorrowful over the whole mess he has created.  He finally, notices the 
moderator just as he finishes up his monologue.  He tries to catch him
but to no avail.  The drone of music gets louder and louder, the lights
dim (it is night) and the strobe starts at low frequency as Waters
turns and once again heads towards Syd's Room.  The Strobe is increasing
in frequency.  The moderator has stopped thrashing as he watches the
final scene.  Waters reaches Syd's room and is about to touch the
jacket.  The strobe is now up to maximum effect and a blinding light
flash comes out of the hole in Syd's Room.  Waters is thrown back and
and falls over the Fan, effectively cracking his skull and dies. 
The Fan falls over. The Drummer's legs stops thrashing.  The
Critics fall down on Waters in a feeding frenzy.  Everything goes black 
(as it usually does) and the Moderator bows his head.

Epilogue
--------
[Big Ben is chiming again]
A lone spotlight is fixed on Syd's Room. Slowly, it narrows to a point on
the hole in the wall. The light in the hole in the wall turns on and gets
brighter and brighter.  Simultaneously, the deflated Syd rises and rises.
Joy!!! It is the Moderator, shorn of the aluminum foil, dressed in full
Bozo regalia.  He straightens up, puts on the leather jacket as "Interstellar
Overdrive" plays (at regular speed). 

A spotlight follows Syd as he walks to stage center and does a jig over Roger's
body.  Gently, he picks up the Fan and pats him on his head.  He bows. The 
Critics also rise and bend over to show the audience their asses for the last
time.  The writing on their butts now reads, "The End".  All goes to black,
fucking black.  The song plays as the audience leaves in total darkness.

When the audience is all gone, "The Man with The Lightbulb Head" (by Robyn
Hitchkok) and Syd walks off the stage ...


			T H E   E N D